


Moraea lurida

by MalevolentReverie



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkward Flirting, Ben is weird, Breastfeeeding Kink, Complete, Darkfic, Dry Humping, Dubious Consent, F/M, Grooming, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, LMAO, Language of Flowers, Masturbation in Shower, Mommy Issues, Obsession, Older Man/Younger Woman, Possessive Behavior, Rey is 15, Sexual Repression, Stalking, Unreliable Narrator, Vaginal Fingering, Virgin Ben Solo, Virgin Rey (Star Wars), Virginity Kink, Yandere Ben, ben is 30, oedipus complex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-22 11:26:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22215358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalevolentReverie/pseuds/MalevolentReverie
Summary: Ben lives alone in Northern California after making a discovery that upheaves his quiet life back home. His neighbor’s foster child, Rey, decides she wants to be friends.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 768
Kudos: 1181





	1. Digitalis ciliata

**Author's Note:**

  * For [eirene_underthesun](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eirene_underthesun/gifts).



> WEIRD VIRGIN BEN AHOY

“All I’m saying is it wouldn’t hurt to go out and _see_ people for once.”

Ben carries a new jade plant from his living room to the window sill in the kitchen, cradling his phone between his ear and shoulder to listen to Mother’s ‘helpful’ suggestions. All the blinds are open and warm Northern California sunshine streams inside, spilling across worn wooden floors and new stainless steel appliances. This is fine. He’s getting vitamin D.

He settles the new little plant in the corner of the windowsill over the sink. Can’t get too much direct sunlight when it’s still so small. It’ll burn.

“I go out,” Ben says, defensive. He nudges the terracotta pot over an inch. “I went grocery shopping last week.”

“That doesn’t count.”

“Well, _Mother_ —”

“Don’t take a tone with me, Benjamin.”

“S-Sorry. Sorry.” He presses his lips tight, turning away from the window, rubbing the stubble on his chin. “I’m sorry. I just want to keep lying low for a while.”

Mother sighs. She knows how it is; how it’s been since his invention. Ben has never been anything special but he’s always liked tinkering with things, and he’s always been adept at finding the simple solutions others might miss. But the discovery only served to make his life a living fucking hell.

“I know, sweetheart,” Mother says. “Why don’t you go do some gardening and call me later, hm?”

“Sure. Sounds good.”

They say their goodbyes and Ben tosses his phone on the counter. He stares out the kitchen window into his backyard, all towering redwoods and mosses, lonely and quiet. He has one neighbor who is private and usually too drunk to bother disturbing the solace Ben has found in the mountains.

He clenches his jaw. Should have never disclosed his research to anyone. Should have kept it to himself. He had to move out and hide to protect himself and Mother, and now she’s alone in that big house…

It isn’t like Han would ever drop by to check on her. Couldn’t be bothered to drop by a single piano recital or baseball game; always too busy with ‘work’ or his rendition of actually holding a job. But it’s fine. Mother has Ben, and he has her, and in a few more weeks things should be settled enough to visit her.

He wanders through his new home, watering his assortment of plants and vines and picking off dead leaves. He hums while he works. The plants really do like it when you talk to them.

Silence stretches across the house. It’s fairly new but still has those creaks and groans as it settles on the foundation, and the window pane rattles in one of the guest rooms Ben has dedicated to delicate, rare plants. Most of the cactuses can survive outside just fine but some burn in the sun and need a little extra protection. They’re all carefully potted and adjusted on shelves and tables for the ideal amount of sunshine and Ben keeps track of watering on a chart hanging on the wall.

Han always took the time to insult his hobbies. _Only women plant flowers, Ben_.

He putters around the room until he comes to his prized plant: _Tacca integrifolia_ , the white bat flower. Long purple tendrils hang from the unfurled white flower and Ben smiles, cocking his head to admire it. They prefer shade and steady temperatures. The plant room is a perfect place for it.

“Hello there,” he coos. He draws his fingertips gently through the tendrils and brushes a white petal. “I think you’re going to grow another flower soon.”

A piercing ring cuts through the quiet.

Ben blinks, unfamiliar with the sound—then realizes it’s likely his doorbell. Someone is here. They found him already.

He sucks in a steadying breath and sets down his watering can before heading downstairs. Okay. It’s going to be fine. He’s over six feet tall and big; no one will try to mess with him when they realize the man responsible for discovering the secret to cold fusion is _enormous_. They’ll just leave.

“They’ll leave,” Ben mutters. He runs a hand through his hair as he passes through the empty living room. “They’ll leave.”

Should’ve kept it to himself. He liked his job at Petco taking caring of the animals and playing with puppies and kittens, but Mother pushed him to do it, and said it would be good for his self esteem, and _now_ …

He pauses before the front door to collect himself, pushing up the sleeves of his black sweater. Ben swallows a lump and peers through the peephole to see what’s waiting for him outside.

A girl is standing there. She’s young, looking around unsurely, hands clasped in front of her and not holding anything that could kill or maim him. Her hair is drawn back in three buns, a little dirty like she’s been rolling around in the dirt, and she’s wearing a gray jumpsuit. Is she Unkar’s? He collects antiques. Maybe she helps.

Could be a trap. Could be.

Ben closes his eyes for a moment before opening the door. His heart pounds when the girl turns and smiles up at him, waving, faintly smelling of oil and grease. She has freckles and hazel eyes and a round face, almost like the dolls he liked to collect in his youth. Very young. No laugh lines or frown lines.

“Hi!” she chirps, offering a slim hand. “I’m Rey. I live down a ways with my foster dad and he wanted me to come see if I can look around your property for… uh…” She frowns and paws around in a deep pocket for a crumpled piece of paper, unfolding it. “Farm equipment. Whatever that is.”

“I don’t think there’s anything like that here.”

“I kinda figured. I really only came here to see the house.” Rey beams and peers around Ben. Her fingers are covered in bandaids, obviously rough and calloused from her picking through farm equipment. “It’s so cool and the old lady who lived here before never let me inside.”

Ben closes the door a bit to keep her from looking inside.

“I don’t—I don’t really like visitors,” he stammers. “Sorry.”

“Aw… okay. Maybe someday.”

She looks over her shoulder at the flowers planted along the porch. Is she going to leave? He’s busy. Ben leans on the door and rubs the back of his neck.

“Your garden is so pretty,” she says. “Miss Beale never planted anything but you’ve got all kinds of stuff here.”

“Yeah. Poor soil, so it’s hard to make anything grow, but the spider flowers do great.”

Rey nods, ambling down the steps to look. The whole porch is framed with spider flowers— _Grevillea_ —but Ben wants to add in some other things that can tolerate the acidic soil and harsh sun. Drought, too. It’s only really good for cactuses and shrubs.

There’s a soft gasp. “Wow—what’s this one?!”

He hesitates, but comes outside and walks down to see. Rey is cupping a _Protea_ blossom in her hand, lips parted, eyes wide, and it gives him a slight sense of satisfaction. His plants are his pride and joy, and it’s nice having someone care about them and be impressed. They aren’t easy to raise.

“Sugarbush,” he says. “Uh… Protea. King protea.”

“It’s so pretty! Looks like something from another planet.” Rey crouches and cups another blossom that hasn’t opened yet. “Are they hard to grow?”

“Not really, they just need soil that drains well. The sun does most of the work for me but I come through and water them once a week.”

She looks up, brightening. “Do you ever need help? I could come help if you want me to. Unkar always has me running around picking through rusty junk so it would be really nice to do something else for a change.”

Help? Her?

Ben rubs the back of his neck again and nods because he sucks at saying no. Rey claps and jumps to her feet, then she’s _on_ him, throwing her arms around his waist, squeezing tight enough to take his breath.

“Thank you!” she squeals. “I’ll come by tomorrow afternoon around… two? And you can show me the other plants. Should I bring snacks? I can make Rice Krispie treats or muddy buddies. Or something else—I can make Mac and cheese, too. It’s really good if you add gruyere.”

He nods fast, desperate to get her off him. She’s chatting away, head tilted back to so she can look up at his face, and his lower lip quivers nervously. He should ask how old she is. If she’s under eighteen, he shouldn’t be letting her give him lingering hugs, and definitely shouldn’t be enjoying them. But she’s warm and soft and it’s nice to be hugged.

Ben pats her back, hand trembling. “Yeah, sure. Whatever you want.”

“Great!” Rey dances away and he resists the abrupt urge to grab her. “I’ll see you tomorrow—uh… what’s your name?”

“Ben?” His voice cracks and it comes out as a question, so he clears his throat and tries again. “Ben. My name is Ben.”

“Nice to meet you, Ben!”

She waves as she heads down the driveway through a thick copse of redwoods and Ben waves back. He keeps waving after she’s gone, and lingers outside, slowly letting his hand fall back to his side. Probably should’ve told her he’s lactose intolerant.


	2. Convallaria majalis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben isn’t going to hurt Rey in this fic—their relationship will be as consensual as one can be w an adult man and a teenage girl
> 
> this is a fic one should read closely 👀

“Did you clean up? Wash your hair?”

“Yes, Mother. Of course I did.”

Ben opens the kitchen window over the sink and Mother scoffs, voice crackling over the speakerphone. It’s a beautiful day and Rey will be over soon, so he made sure to clean up around the house and shower twice—just in case— _before_ Mother suggested it.

He’s waiting to do his usual rounds through the house watering and trimming. It isn’t pleasant having to wait but if Rey wants to see it… he can wait.

“Have you cut it?” Mother snaps.

“…No. I like it longer.”

“It makes you look like a homeless poodle. Don’t you want to impress your new friend? I’m _sure_ she doesn’t like long hair on men.”

Ben checks the refrigerator for the third time to make sure the Brita pitcher is still there. Being criticized for the length of his hair isn’t a new subject. Every phone call, every day, Mother tells him he needs to cut it short to his ears, like she doesn’t remember that his ears are ridiculous.

Besides: Rey is obviously not eighteen and he isn’t thinking of her that way. He doesn’t need to impress her. He also isn’t going to admit to his mother that his friendly new female neighbor is a teenager because _that_ will turn into an argument.

“She’ll be here soon,” he says, peering through the living room window. “I’ll call you later.”

“Well… okay.” Mother sighs. “Be polite. Don’t touch her; women don’t like being touched by strange men. Offer her a drink.”

“I know, I know. Love you.”

“Love you, sweetheart. Have fun—be _polite_.”

Ben hangs up and slips his phone in his back pocket. He’s ready. Technically he’s only ever been on one date and that was with his cousin for prom but—well, this isn’t a date, anyway. Sure he’s wearing his nice jeans and a dress shirt Mother bought him for his birthday but that’s just because there’s nothing wrong with looking nice.

Rey might think he’s a freak if he wears a Minecraft shirt or walks around in sweatpants. He isn’t. Lots of other men in their thirties like Minecraft and flowers and have a couple American Girl dolls.

He paces in front of the door and tries not to chew his nails. It’s nice to have company. Women his age are intimidating, with wanting kids and to settle down and raising their eyebrows at his hobbies. There’s a commitment and intimacy there that Ben is terrified of, but Rey doesn’t come with those caveats. And the way she smiled and actually wanted to come see him? She didn’t even need to be convinced.

His heart beats faster. She seems so much simpler than the other women he’s met.

The doorbell rings and Ben hurries to answer it. He finds Rey standing there the same way she was yesterday, this time wearing overalls and a slouchy yellow-striped shirt, brown boots peeking out from under the flared bottoms. Sleeves are drawn back to her elbows, revealing more scars and bruises on tan skin. She kind of glows.

“I have snacks,” she announces, and he notices she’s holding a couple things.

He quickly takes them and invites her in, and she kicks off her oversized boots before stepping over the threshold. Good. Phew.

“I forgot to mention,” Ben calls as he leads her to the kitchen, “I’m uh… sort of lactose intolerant.”

“Aw, really? Sorry… don’t eat the Mac and cheese, but the Rice Krispie treats should be okay. I think.”

He already took Lactaid and he’s willing to take risks. He sets the bowl of Mac and cheese and tray of treats on the island, quickly stuffing his hands in his pockets to hide the trembling. Rey ambles along behind him with her hands clasped behind her back, turning in circles, studying the kitchen from ceiling to floor.

“It’s nice,” she offers. “Much nicer than Unkar’s. Where did you live before?”

“Los Angeles. My mom is an attorney.” Ben tries to nonchalantly lean on the island and clears his throat. “I lived in the guest house.”

Rey brightens. “That’s cool! Did she ever convict anybody? I just saw _My Cousin Vinny_ and I’m super into that stuff right now. Does she visit a lot? Does she like flowers, too?”

Jesus. Ben tries to answer but Rey is soon off to the next thing, touring his house and asking questions that she usually doesn’t wait for an answer to.

She makes her way upstairs. There are three bedrooms and one is Mother’s guest room, and he really doesn’t want anything being touched there, so he steers her to the others. Rey doesn’t mind. She talks about school and her friends and how she’s taking a sabbatical to help Unkar with work.

“He hurt his back,” she explains, circling the guest bathroom. She opens the medicine cabinet and shuts it. “He can’t crawl into tight spots like I can so I stopped going to school for now to help him.”

Ben tilts his head. Maybe she _is_ eighteen.

“Where do you go?” he asks. His voice cracks _again_. “Is it around here?”

“Yeah, Northridge High. I’m in tenth grade.”

Shit. Shit, shit, shit—

She turns and laughs at his expression and Ben tries to rearrange it to something less terrified. Tenth grade—she must be fifteen. He’s alone with a fifteen year old girl. He’s gonna be arrested again.

“Do I look older?” she teases.

Ben can only shake his head quickly. He should ask her to leave. This is weird. But Rey doesn’t seem freaked out by his reaction, so he just follows her to the next room, the one full of plants.

Her hand slowly falls away from the door handle. Ben hangs back as she takes a couple steps inside, taking in all the colors and smells he’s used to by now. It’s overwhelming but there’s something nice about being so utterly overwhelmed that you can’t feel anything else that might be bothering you.

Rey wanders to the white bat flower first, which strikes Ben as being a good sign. She reaches out to touch it but turns to search for permission.

“Go ahead,” he blurts. “It’s okay. Just be gentle.”

She smiles and looks away. Her thin fingers brush through the purple tendrils, and they drift across her bandaids and bruises and callouses. Ben crosses his arms over his chest, swallowing and watching her, surprised by how emotional it makes him.

“This is pretty,” she says softly.

“It’s called a white bat flower. It likes shade so I keep it inside.”

“I’ve never seen anything like it.” She keeps moving, walking along countless terracotta pots growing plants Ben suddenly can’t remember the names of. “They’re all so green and happy. Do you water every single one?”

“Yup. Once a week or so. The roots rot if they get too much water.”

She nods, eyes trailing the huge Hoya vine Ben has been trying to train to grow around the windows. Just needs more time. The vines look beautiful grown inside, and most of them can’t tolerate the direct sunlight outside. It’s like he has his own greenhouse.

He doesn’t have much watering to do, so he offers to show her how he trims the plants, and she happily agrees. Most of them are well cared-for but a few of the Hoya leaves are browning and he lets her pick them off. He keeps his hand open and takes all the ragged leaves and flowers she finds. Sometimes her fingertips brush his palm and a shiver passes through him, settling in that uncomfortable spot on his lower belly where he doesn’t want it.

Feelings are okay. Acting on them isn’t.

“This is kind of relaxing.”

Ben nods, crumpling the dead leaves as Rey hands him another. It was only a little yellow but that’s okay.

“I like it,” he says. “And they clean the air and stuff.” He pauses, staring at the back of her head. “What are your—what do you like to do?”

“I dunno. I’m usually too busy working… But I like playing video games when I hang out with Finn. He always has the new ones.”

“Yeah? Well, I have a PlayStation. And an Xbox.”

She looks over, eyes wide, and Ben nods again. No one has ever looked at him like that: like he’s important, or interesting, or…

Rey wipes her hands on her overalls. “Could we play sometime? I can bring things without dairy for snacks! I’m a good cook. I can make all kinds of stuff from nothing.” She smiles but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “Unkar is always broke.”

“We can go play now if you want. I keep everything down in the basement where it’s cooler and quieter.” Ben hesitates. “And I can get things so you can cook. If you want. You don’t have to come to my house and cook for me after working all day.”

“Oh, I don’t mind! It’s fun, and now I can find some recipes with less cheese.”

She keeps talking as she leaves the room, Ben following behind. He ducks into the bathroom to throw away the dead leaves and when he comes back, Rey is nudging open his bedroom door.

He manages to shut it before she looks inside. “Uh—that’s my room. Sorry.”

“Oh, my bad.” Rey laughs and shrugs. “I’m nosy. Want to go have lunch and play a game? What games do you have?” 

Good. She’s not mad.

“Whatever you want,” he says, and he means it. “I like Minecraft but—”

“I _love_ that one! With the building and stuff? Is it okay if I build a house? Finn never lets me.”

Ben stops near the stairs. He stares, because he thinks if he blinks she might disappear back to that fantasizing corner of his brain that likes jerking off to the women in Macy’s magazines. She… wants to play a video game? And likes his plants?

Is she real? Maybe he’s confused again. Sometimes he gets confused—that’s what Mother calls it.

“Yeah,” he mumbles. “You can build a house.”

Rey claps and giggles and throws her arms around him again. Ben staggers, grabbing the rail for support to he doesn’t tumble over and kill them both, then he catches a whiff of her perfume, flowery stuff that’s from Bath & Bodyworks. He knows. He goes there sometimes for the body wash. She’s wearing peony.

“We’re gonna be best friends,” she chirps.

He nods, tentatively patting her between the shoulders like he did the day before. Yeah. They can be friends. There’s nothing wrong with being friends.

They walk downstairs and Rey gabs while she heats up her Mac and cheese in the microwave. She isn’t nervous around Ben at all, and fills all the empty, quiet lulls with more chatter about school or her friends. Ben nods and listens from where he sits at the small kitchen table he brought from Mother’s. It’s nice having company. Rey is nice.

“So Jessika is the _worst_ ,” she mutters, shaking her head, “and she’s always all over Poe, which is hilarious because he’s secretly dating Finn. It’s totally obvious but I’m the only one that knows right now.” Her eyes widen and she shoots Ben a threatening glare. “Don’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t. I don’t have anyone to tell, anyway.”

“Oh, okay. Good.”

She keeps talking while she eats and Ben has a sandwich. Something about her is mesmerizing. Maybe it’s the way her shirt slouches in the front and he can see almost all of her long collarbone and the tendons flex in her throat whenever she gets mad about something Jessika Pava did, or maybe it’s the way her hands constantly move while she talks.

He isn’t sure. He sits across from her and eats, remembering to nod every so often. That’s being polite. Mother will be proud.

Rey checks her phone as she eats her last bite of Mac and cheese, and rolls her eyes. “Unkar wants me home. Sucks.”

Ben blinks out of his reverie as she stands. Going home already? It feels like she just got here.

“For what?” he asks, maybe too quick.

“Picking up some more rusty junk for him to sell. He always calls when I’m busy.” She rinses out her bowl, beaming over her shoulder. “But I can come tomorrow and we can play Minecraft. I’ll make minestrone soup.”

“Sure, yeah. Sounds great.”

Rey adjusts her shoulder strap and Ben catches a glimpse of a white bra strap underneath.

“Want to go get everything tomorrow morning?” she suggests, oblivious to his staring. “We can make it here. Do you have a Crockpot?”

“I’ll get one.”

“Cool! We can go look tomorrow. Instant Pots are great and there’s a bunch of recipes on Pinterest.”

No clue what she’s talking about. The image of her thin white bra strap contrasted with tan, golden skin is seared into Ben’s head. He’s never seen one before. Except in porn.

Rey leaves with another emphatic wave, Ben standing on the porch waving back. Hopefully she’s careful today. She has an awful lot of bruises.


	3. Taxus baccata

Mother calls just before Rey arrives the next morning and Ben quickly hangs up. She snaps and demands he call her back as soon as he can, and guilt crawls into his chest, settling there like a fifty pound weight. He shouldn’t ignore her phone calls. She’s probably lonely without him home.

But his concerns are forgotten when he opens the front door to let Rey inside. Today she’s wearing beige capris and a loose white shirt that hangs off her shoulder, and he can see the same white bra strap, and stares as she walks past him toward the kitchen.

“Can I grab a water?” she calls.

Ben nods as he shuts the door but it doesn’t matter. She already has the fridge open and based on the clatter, she’s helping herself.

He shuffles out to investigate. Rey is standing in front of the open refrigerator nursing her bottle of water, and her hair is piled on top of her head in a messy bun, giving him a good view of her throat and collarbone and bony shoulder. She doesn’t notice his gaze—she’s playing on a cell phone, oblivious, hair glowing in a beam of sunlight.

Despite his best efforts to control himself, he can’t stop staring at the innocent strap on her shoulder. Ben hovers in the kitchen doorway and absentmindedly nods along as Rey launches into a story about her friends.

“So now it’s a whole _thing_ with Jessika,” she says, rolling her eyes, “and I’m in the middle of it. I don’t care, y’know? I have work to do.”

He nods, folding his arms over his chest, then casually rubbing his throat. Her neck looks so fragile. Most of her body does but if she were that delicate then she would have more breaks than bruises.

What would her thin little throat _feel_ like, he wonders? Ben doesn’t want to hurt her—that’s the last thing he wants—but he’s curious to know what her pulse would feel like against his palm, or what kind of sound she might make when she’s being lightly choked. Would she sigh? Scream? He hates loud noises. He doesn’t want her to scream.

The strange thoughts flit away when Rey shuts the fridge. A shiver slithers down Ben’s spine and he mimics her smile the way he does with everyone.

“Target?” she suggests. “They have Instant Pots on sale for sixty bucks.”

“Sure, sure. That sounds good.”

“I don’t really have any money, so…”

He shrugs, shoving his hands in his pockets. “That’s fine. I need one for the house so I can buy it.”

Then maybe she’ll come visit and cook more often, too. He has video games and plants and free food. Maybe Rey will want to be friends.

She beams and leads him outside into the overcast afternoon. Ben locks the door behind them and casts a glance around as they walk to his Civic, paranoia creeping into his head. No one knows where he is except Mother. There won’t be any more threatening letters or phone calls.

“Minestrone is easy to make,” Rey chatters. Her sneakers crunch across the gravel as she rounds to the passenger side of the white car. “It just takes a couple hours to cook. Are you allergic to anything else, Ben?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Oh—good.” She opens the door and slides in. “I like shrimp in pasta and stuff so good to know I can use it. Do you like shrimp? Do you eat seafood?”

Ben looks around once more before he gets in the car. He locks the doors immediately.

“Mussels are good,” he says.

“Really? I think they taste like snot.”

They drive off through the thick row of trees lining Ben’s driveway. Sun and shadow ripple through the trees, alternating across Rey’s shirt and lap in a dazzling lightshow that draws Ben’s gaze straight to her exposed shoulder again. What does her skin feel like? Rough? Smooth?

Rey scratches her arm and doesn’t notice him staring. He peels his eyes away to watch the road, gripping the steering wheel tight. Tenth grade. Friend. Don’t mess this up again.

It’s a twenty minute drive to the nearest Target on the other side of the canyon. Rey hops out once they’re parked in a crowded lot but Ben hesitates before he gets out of the car, chest growing tight. Lots of people. He’s never been a fan of crowds. Here he’s the adult, though, and he needs to keep an eye on Rey, and maybe that’s more responsibility than he wants—

Cool, thin fingers wrap around his wrist. She’s tugging him toward the store and he stumbles a step behind her, nervous, then twisting his hand to grab hers. Rey doesn’t mind and holds his hand as she leads him through the sliding doors into the air conditioned fluorescent big box store.

“I think they’re over that way,” she says, more to herself than him.

Red and gray blur together. He’s holding her hand. His steps hardly register as he follows her down a wide aisle past clothes and shoes because he’s _holding her hand_ and her skin is a little rough and her fingers are cold. Or maybe his are just hot. His palms are sweating. Blood is throbbing in his ears. Her fingers are thin enough to fit neatly between his, thick and soft from comparatively little use in hard labor.

Ben stares at the back of Rey’s head, eyes trailing down the curve of her shoulder. Tenth grade.

She brings him to an endcap display with a couple of the Instant Pots, and he grabs one so she doesn’t let go of his hand. They go to the grocery section next and when she tries to pull her hand free, Ben squeezes and pulls back, an anxious shiver passing through him. Her confused expression properly shames him into letting go.

“Sorry,” he blurts, cheeks growing hot. “Sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry.” Rey smiles, adding ditalini pasta to her basket. “I know you’re nervous. You’ve got a nervous face.” She wanders a couple steps to the canned food and picks diced tomatoes. “And your hands are sweaty.”

“Sorry.” He wipes his hands on his jeans, kind of hoping the floor will swallow him up.

“You don’t have to be sorry,” she repeats. “You should only apologize when you really messed up, or all your apologies seem fake. Besides, I don’t care if your hands are sweaty, as long as you’re nice to me.”

Ben almost apologizes again but manages to keep his mouth shut. She’s right. She’s smart.

Rey finishes picking out her ingredients, some on the top shelf that Ben reaches for her, and they cash out and leave. He pays for it and she hounds him on the drive back to the house.

“I’m gonna pay you back sooner or later,” she insists.

Her arms are crossed over her chest and she’s glaring out the windshield, annoyed. He doesn’t want her to be mad but he also doesn’t want her money.

“But I bought it,” Ben says, shrugging, “so you cook it. Right? It’s not fair if you do both.”

“I _guess_.” She sighs, shaking her head and leaning it back on the rest. “I don’t like being indebted to people. I don’t like charity.”

“It’s not. Friends help each other, right?”

Rey frowns and lets her head drop a bit to the side so she’s looking right at Ben, and it makes his heart skip a beat. Maybe that was creepy. Not polite.

But she smiles and nods.

“Right. Friends.”

—•—

“So I told Jessika to lay off Poe and do you know what she said? That _I’m_ jealous!”

A dull thud echoes through the kitchen as Rey slices hard into a white onion. She turns it and keeps dicing while she talks (apparently she doesn’t like this Jessika Pava girl very much) and Ben watches from the other side of the island, shifting nervously in his seat. Please be careful.

She scrapes the onion into the Instant Pot and Ben hands her a carrot next. It’s nice watching her. She fills all the quiet empty spaces.

“Like, no Jess, Poe just prefers dick.” Rey cuts off the ends of the carrot and eats the tip. “I can’t say anything and out my friends but I’m so mad about it. I’m not even at school to defend myself.”

“It’s nice of you to stay quiet about your friends. Teenagers are mean.”

Rey snorts. “Don’t I know it. They’d get eaten alive.” She dices the carrot almost as fast as the onion and scrapes it into the pot. “Celery, please.”

Ben opens the bag and tears off a stalk, handing it to her. Her lips are pressed together and she’s scowling while she works but still so pretty in a plain, simple kind of way. She’s not intimidating in the least.

Well—she’s a girl, so _that’s_ intimidating, but she doesn’t scare him like most of them do.

Rey finishes up and sets the lid and timer. It’s going to take two hours so she asks to play Minecraft while they wait and Ben isn’t about to refuse her.

Downstairs they go, through the door in the kitchen. Basements are rare in Southern California but up here it’s a little more common. Good thing. He needs space for his gaming systems and chairs and computers. He loves his computers.

Rey takes the steps two at a time into the finished basement where Ben spends most of his day once the plants are watered and tended to. The carpet is thick and the room is colored in soft beige and blues that put him at ease, and he has a small sitting area with an enormous television for the PlayStation and Xbox. The computers are locked in a separate room.

She claps and hops, excited. “Wow, this is so cool! Can we eat lunch down here, do you think?”

“…Maybe upstairs would be better. Spills.”

“Right, right. It’s so clean down here; I wouldn’t want to make a mess.”

Phew. Ben smiles when she beams up at him and she plops on the futon while he starts the game. His palms start sweating again and he wipes the controller on his shirt, embarrassed. Rey keeps talking and doesn’t seem to notice.

“It smells nice, like dryer sheets. Your house is so clean, Ben—even though you have all those plants. What do you do for a living? Computer stuff?”

He swallows. “Yeah, something like that. I don’t really need to work anymore, though.”

“Really? I wish I didn’t have to work. I miss going to school, even if Jessika Pava is a bitch. But Finn still tries to hang out with me on weekends so that’s good.” She pauses. “He’s my best friend.”

“That’s good. It’s good to have friends.”

“Yep. You, Finn, and Poe. There’s this new girl Rose Tico who seems nice, but I’m not sure if I have time for another friend. I barely have time to see Finn right now and I like him _way_ better than Poe.”

Ben hasn’t had a real friend in years. There was Hux back in high school but he’s in prison now for killing his girlfriend. Saw that coming a mile away. Dude was a psychopath.

He sits beside Rey in the futon and hands her the controller. It’s nice to have a friend around. Doesn’t hurt that she’s easy to look at and likes cooking.

She leans on the side of the futon and casually stretches her legs across Ben’s lap. He blushes and considers asking her not to but then again, it’s just her legs and feet, and there isn’t anything wrong with that. For her part, Rey is too into the game to pay attention to the way he stiffens as her heel pushes over his thigh.

“How do I build stuff?” she asks.

“Uh—” Ben makes a shy reach for the controller. “I can start it if you want.”

“Nope. I’ll figure it out.” She sticks out her tongue and narrows her eyes at the television. “Don’t touch my feet or I’ll kick you in the face.”

“Oh—Okay. Sorry.”

“You can touch my calves. Feet? Face kick.”

He nods emphatically at her demanding look. Rey returns to destroying his hard work in Minecraft and Ben glances down at her legs, and her knees, and how close he is to touching her shins. Her capris leave about half her legs exposed and he has her permission to touch but he _knows_ he shouldn’t.

He settles his trembling hands on one of her legs. Rey plays the game and doesn’t pay attention to him rubbing his thumb on her bare skin. It’s warm. Soft. It’s so overwhelming that he feels the dull throb of an erection one second and is hard in the next.

Fuck. He glances at her and shifts a bit where he’s sitting, trying to adjust without drawing attention. She’ll feel it. He shouldn’t be hard right now. She’s going to feel it and he’s going to get in so much fucking trouble. He’ll go back to prison and have to live with Mother and Rey won’t talk to him—

“This game is sorta hard. D’you have anything else? I have to pee.”

Rey hops up and before Ben can answer, she’s found the half bath and slips inside. The door locks.

Panicked, he stands and unzips, adjusting his dick so it’s less obvious, turning away out of fear that she’ll suddenly emerge and see it. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Idiot. Get a hold of yourself you fucking sicko.

He’s done when she comes back in search of a new game to play. Ben offers her the Nintendo Switch instead and she curls up in her corner of the futon to play until the Instant Pot sends a notification to her phone. Crisis avoided.

But he can’t stop staring at her thin shoulder once they’re upstairs, and his jeans get uncomfortably tight. Just friends. She’s his friend.


	4. Cicuta virosa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 👀👀👀

“I’d like to come meet this nice young woman. Maybe I’ll stop by next week.”

Ben watches Rey leave through his living room window, stomach full of soup, sink full of dishes. He’s still aching and hard and uncomfortable but tries to ignore it. It’ll go away sooner or later. It isn’t like he can… _do_ anything about it.

He lets the blinds flip closed. “She isn’t a young woman, Mother. She’s in tenth grade.”

“What does that matter? She’s clearly taken a shine to you. Don’t you think you deserve to be happy?”

He rubs his face, nodding as he ambles toward the stairs. He _does_ deserve to be happy.

“Yes,” he mumbles. “But I don’t want to hurt her.”

“Just be polite and don’t touch her, and in a few years when she’s seventeen, I’m sure you’ll have the little thing wrapped around your finger.”

Ben pauses at the top of the stairs. Him? Have _her_ wrapped around his finger? Why would he do that?

He presses his lips together. “How?”

“Well she’s a poor little garbage-picker, isn’t she? Feed her and clothe her and be a clean oasis in her pitiful, dirty life. Gifts. Attention. I’m sure that’s what she wants more than anything else—just don’t _touch_ her. Unless you’d like to go back to prison.”

“So… just be nice to her?”

“Exactly, dear. Just be nice.”

He can do that. Ben nods and tells Mother he loves her before he hangs up, chewing his lower lip. He can definitely be nice. Maybe tomorrow he’ll bring her shopping, since girls like clothes and stuff.

For now: he needs to take a cold shower and fix Minecraft. Maybe just restart.

But when he gets in the shower and stands under the icy water for a minute, eyes closed, he can’t get the image of Rey’s bare shoulder out of his head. He clenches his jaw and runs his hands through his hair, shivering, willing his body to stop because it’s gross and not right and—

Then he’s touching himself, fingertips brushing his cock. Ben groans and braces a hand on the shower wall and he’s stroking, panting, struggling to think about anything except Rey’s tan freckled shoulder and white bra strap. It’s fucking impossible. He’s pathetic and disgusting like everyone always says.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles. He hides his face in his inner arm and squeezes his eyes shut. Feels good. “I’m sorry.”

It does feel good—all the swirling guilt heightens the sensation. It’s even better than lying in bed watching porn with a bottle of lube, and he usually likes the weird stuff, not just touching a girl’s leg for a couple seconds.

Water pounds on his head and back, and Ben mouths at his arm, moaning. He wants to play with her: wrap his hand around her throat and braid her hair and tickle her feet. Fuck her, maybe. That’s hard to imagine even after all the porn and time alone to fantasize; he’s not sure he knows how it works yet. He _does_ know how it will work if he climbs on top of her on the futon and kisses her neck.

She’s so thin… he can pin her down and rub against her and lick her pretty skin. If she wants to. But even if she doesn’t want to—they can play that way, too. People do it all the time in the videos he watches.

“Rey,” Ben breathes. Tension coils in his balls and he slows a little, trying to drag it out. “Oh god— _Rey_ —”

He stiffens, sucking hard on his arm as he comes, drifting into stilted gasps. His cum washes right down the drain and the cold seeps in where the pleasure ebbs away, leaving behind an empty, icy sensation in his stomach.

Ben catches his breath. Fuck. What the fuck.

He washes off and stumbles out of the shower, quickly drying and slipping into old pajamas. God—what the fuck is wrong with him? He’s never thought that way before. He doesn’t want to choke her or pin her down. He’d never hurt Rey. _Never_.

His chest hurts. He paces his bedroom, shaking his head and chewing his nails.

“I’m sorry.” The tension crawls up into his throat and he thinks he might cry. “I’m sorry.”

Ben doesn’t want to hurt anyone, especially a nice girl. Porn is different. He doesn’t want to do any of that to a real girl. Definitely not.

He runs his hands through his hair, grabbing fistfuls and squeezing his eyes shut. Be _nice._ Be _polite_. Keep your hands _off her_. It’s easy. It’s easy if you’re not a fuck up and a creep who hangs out with high school girls and gets hard just looking at their legs.

The tears come a minute later and he fumbles for his cell phone, but none of his outgoing calls reach Mother.

“Mama?” he bleats. His lower lip quivers and he hyperventilates, terrified. “I don’t feel good. Can you call me when you have a minute?” Stars dance in his peripheral vision and he sits down on the edge of his bed, trembling. “It’s happening again. Please call me when you have a minute. Please?”

Ben hangs up and tries again a dozen more times. He lies back and stares at the ceiling after he’s too tired to cry anymore, then his eyes are fluttering shut.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

—•—

It’s dark when Ben wakes curled up in bed.

Groaning, he drags himself upright, stumbling, and makes his way downstairs to distract himself on the computer. He sniffles and wipes his eyes. Mother didn’t call back. She must be on a business trip. Usually she has a couple minutes to help him calm down but… it’s okay. She’s busy.

He trudges to the basement, intending on finding something funny to watch; maybe brushing Samantha’s hair for a while. That helps him relax. He loves petting things or grooming them—he always loved holding the puppies and kittens at work.

Ben flips on the basement light and his heart gives a powerful, dizzying thud.

Across the room stands Rey, kneeling before the television stand with a hand reached back into the tangle of wires. She’s wearing black leggings and a dark sweater and blinks in surprise at Ben, who blinks back at her. What is she doing here?

She jumps to her feet. “Um—h-hi, Ben! Bet you’re wondering what I’m doing in your basement.”

He rubs his eyes and gives his head a shake to make sure he isn’t hallucinating. She’s really here. Did she know he was upset? Did Mother send her?

“Rey?” he asks, tentative. She might not be real.

“Look, if I don’t bring something home, Unkar yells at me.” Her lower lip trembles and Ben notices a purple bruise spanning half her throat that wasn’t there earlier. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

All Ben’s fear and confusion and misplaced affection crystallize into one delusion. He stares at Rey, hypnotized, convinced she must’ve come back because she likes him, too. Because she’s a good person. Because she cares the way Mother does.

He slowly edges toward her and she bursts into tears, apologizing up and down. For what, he doesn’t know—but he reaches out and brushes her bony elbow with his fingertips, then grasps gently, unsure of how to hug her appropriately. He needs to be nice.

“It’s okay,” Ben murmurs. He sidles closer, tugging her in his embrace. “You don’t have to be sorry.”

Everyone wants to be hugged when they’re upset. Rey wraps her arms around his middle and cries into his shirt, great big heaving sobs with blubbered apologies. He hugs her tight around her thin shoulders and warmth blooms in his chest, chasing away the cold emptiness. She smells nice.

“I’m sorry!” she bawls. Her breath is hot on his stomach, tears soaking through his Ramones T-shirt. “Please don’t call the police or tell Unkar. He’ll be so mad—I’ll get in so much trouble!”

“I won’t tell anyone. It’s okay.”

Why would he? Sure she shouldn’t be here but it’s only because she missed him so much.

Rey takes a long time to calm down, so Ben brings her upstairs for a glass of water and one of her Rice Krispie treats. She sits at the island, eyes red and puffy, sniffling and wiping the tears from her cheeks.

“Did you fall?” he asks as he pours her water. “Your face is all bruised.”

She takes a sip of the water and doesn’t answer. Her hazel eyes gaze vacantly into the distance and Ben can’t figure out what she’s looking at.

He sits next to her and folds his hands on the table. She’s here. Maybe she’ll sleep over. Sleep in his bed. _That_ would be awesome, even if they don’t rub against each other or have sex. He doesn’t have any condoms and definitely doesn’t want to knock up a teenage girl.

Mother told him not to touch Rey, but… he knows firsthand how nice it is to be touched when you’re upset. Curling up with her in his arms would make him feel a lot better, too.

“I was going to see if you wanted to go shopping tomorrow,” Ben blurts. He pauses, staring down at his hands. “Some of your clothes are big. I thought it might be fun to look for more.”

“…You want to bring me shopping?”

“If you want to. It’s okay if you don’t want to.”

Rey nods slowly. She’s still staring out the window.

“Thanks, Ben. For being nice to me.”

Well she doesn’t have to thank him for that. Ben smiles and nods, then returns his hands to his lap. He hesitates before settling a palm on Rey’s thigh under the table.

It’s small. He wraps his entire hand around most of it and resists the urge to squeeze. She doesn’t respond and just keeps gazing blankly outside, and they lapse into silence, unmoving and quiet like statues. But he’s touching her. He has her leg in his hand.

He could break it.

“Is it okay if I stay here tonight?”

Ben loosens his grip on her thigh. He doesn’t want to hurt her.

“Sure,” he rasps. “You can have my bed.”

“I’ll just crash on the couch. You’ve already done enough nice things for me.”

Rey pats his hand and hops down from her chair. The cold comes oozing back into Ben’s chest watching her walk away.

He gets up quickly. “Wait!”

She stops and looks over her shoulder. Her eyes are hooded, sleepy and too tired to belong to a teenager. The bruise on her face is turning darker purple.

Ben wrings his hands, fumbling. “Well—I’m having a bad night, too. Maybe we should stay together.” He motions toward the basement door. “We can stay on the futon and you can play Mario Kart some more. So we don’t have to be alone.”

“…Okay.”

 _Yes_. He brightens and Rey leads the way down into the basement, where Ben turns on the Switch and shuts off the lights. The futon folds out and he grabs a couple blankets from the closet next to the computer room, excited for the first time in ages.

And he lays next to her on his back, about a foot apart, watching the ceiling and smiling. Rey plays her game and sniffles every once in a while. The music floats through the quiet basement, the only light emanating from the screen she’s holding over her face. It’s peaceful.

Ben closes his eyes. Keep your hands off her. Keep your hands off her. Keep your hands off her…


	5. Salvia divinorum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BEN

Ben wakes up to his cell phone ringing.

He sighs, warm under the thick blanket, pawing blindly for the phone over a bundle of pillows. Where the hell is it? Must be Mother calling him back.

Then the pillows move. He opens his eyes.

Rey is curled up beside him, head under his chin, breath soft and rhythmic against his throat. Ben’s eyes widen as he realizes her leg is slotted between his, and he’s hard, and the second she wakes up she’s going to realize it, too.

He snatches his phone on the other side of her and lifts it to his ear, trembling. “H-Hello?”

“Ben? Sweetheart?” Mother. She sounds upset. “Are you okay, baby? I’m packing right now to come visit for a couple days.”

His gaze flickers down to the sleeping girl in his arms. Rey sighs.

“I’m busy,” he whispers, “but I’m okay.” Ben hesitates and smiles, kind of smug. “Rey came back to visit me last night.”

“Oh? And did you keep your hands off her?”

“…Well—Well, we’re just laying together. She’s still asleep. I didn’t do anything, though. I promise.”

“But you want to. Don’t you?”

Ben rests his hand on the arch of Rey’s hip and stares at it. He does. Mother always knows what he’s thinking.

She heaves a sigh. “You’re going to get in big trouble again, and I can’t bail you out of jail twice. Thoughts become actions sooner or later. You know that. Remember how you only had bad _thoughts_ about Kaydel? What happened there?”

Nothing. All he did was ask her to sit in his lap. He didn’t even touch her and she still told her parents.

Ben nuzzles Rey’s hair and inhales her cucumber shampoo and the faint scent of cigarettes. Hopefully she doesn’t smoke. It’s okay if she wants to drink, though he doesn’t do it very often himself.

He wraps his arm around her waist to draw her in closer. Rey is older than Kaydel was but still off-limits. But she came back for him—from the beginning, Kaydel didn’t like him, the same as most people. All he did was ask her to sit in his lap while they watched the birds at the park and she tattled, the little bitch, and he went to prison for an entire year.

All fixed. Mother fixed it. Ben still had to register as a sex offender, and his discovery of cold fusion was supposed to make everything better.

“Ben.”

He grasps Rey’s hip, head spinning. His cock is pressed against her thigh and it doesn’t take much movement to make it feel good: he holds her in place and squirms, pretending he’s just adjusting. It makes his lower back tingle and pressure coil in his stomach. It’s exciting. He likes that she’s asleep.

“I’m doing it,” he whispers to Mother. He bends his arm under her neck, angling so he can cup the back of her head. “I’ll be gentle.”

“ _Ben_. You’re going to scare her.”

He hangs up and tosses the phone over Rey once more, nuzzling her hair and kissing it. It’s so soft and straight. It would make nice braids. Maybe one long braid he can wrap around his wrist when he fucks her from behind.

Then she groans, stretching out her legs, toes curling. Ben freezes and quickly extricates himself from her, leaving the warm blankets and softness even though the other side of him wants to roll over and pin her down. He’s almost there. A couple more seconds and he would’ve come on her leg.

Rey rubs her eyes and smiles sleepily. “Good morning. Sorry if I snored.”

Her gaze wanders down. Ben is frozen in shame, even though he knows she can see his boner through his sweatpants. He reddens and she does the same, blushing up to her ears.

“I’ll—” He covers his erection with one hand, motioning helplessly with the other. “I have to—I’ve got—”

Doesn’t matter. He flees, rushing into the bathroom. He slams the door shut behind him like she might follow and locks it and hopes she isn’t going to run home and tell Unkar. He’ll be fucking screwed.

Ben adjusts, hiding his cock under the hem of his boxers, and takes a couple minutes to get a grip. It’s hard to reset from being horny; hopefully she doesn’t know he was humping her while she was asleep. It was only a little. Even after years of practice, he still comes really fast sometimes.

He brushes his teeth with one of the extra brushes under the sink and braces himself before opening the door. Rey is gone, but he hears movement upstairs. She didn’t leave? That’s good. It’s going to be hard to look her in the eyes but at least she’s still here.

The kitchen smells like breakfast: Rey is cooking on the stove Ben rarely uses, and the window is open to let the smoke out into the foggy morning. Her hair is piled on top of her head and it wiggles when she looks over her shoulder at him, smiling. He slowly closes the basement door.

“No dairy,” she says. She pokes two eggs cooking on a griddle. He owns one of those? “Sit.”

Ben sits. He keeps his hands in his lap then puts them on the table. She might think he’s doing something gross.

Rey is quiet while she cooks and he’s too embarrassed to say anything. She puts eggs and bacon on plates and Ben mumbles a thank you. He hasn’t eaten real breakfast in a long time.

“I like Target.”

She’s opening the fridge, picking out the Brita pitcher and orange juice. She meets his confused glance and it takes a second for him to remember.

“Oh—right.” Ben nods and avoids her eyes. “Are you sure? We can go someplace nicer.”

“What do I have to do to go someplace nicer?”

“You look okay to go wherever you want; I don’t think you need to dress up. Macy’s has… uh… _might_ have some nice things for fall. Or dresses, if you need more. But you don’t look like you wear dresses, so…”

She pours them each a cup to drink, Ben orange juice and her water, and nods once, frowning. It’s not like they’re going to Neiman Marcus. Leggings and a slouchy shirt will be perfectly fine.

They eat breakfast together, quiet, which is probably for the best. He should say something—tell her it’s just a biological thing he can’t control and hope it isn’t the first time she’s seen an erection. It was hidden in his pants but still really obvious what was going on. Did she know he was humping her for a couple minutes? That’s a little harder to explain.

Ben clears his throat. He taps his fork rhythmically on the edge of his blue plate.

“So, um…” He cringes, tapping faster. “I wake up that way every day. It just sorta happens. To boys.”

Rey shrugs and takes a sip of her water. He eyes her for a minute and anxiety crests in his chest. She must be mad. Fuck.

“I can’t control it,” he blurts.

She blushes and pushes back from the island. “I’m gonna go brush my teeth. I’ll be back in a minute. Do you have extras in the basement?”

Ben can’t answer because she doesn’t wait. She hurries downstairs, leaving him alone and mortified. He scared her. Fuck. _Fuck_.

But he doesn’t want to scare her even more, so he loads the dishwasher and goes upstairs to shower and get dressed. It’s easier if they don’t talk about it.

—•—

“Should I wear more dresses?”

Her voice comes to him across a couple racks of colorful clothes. Ben absentmindedly rubs the sleeve of a sweater between his thumb and index finger as he blinks and looks down at Rey, a couple feet away, touching a pink dress and not looking at him.

He shrugs. “It’s been hot lately.”

“Yeah… I don’t know.” She puckers her lips, drawing a hand down the length of the dress. “I don’t have a lot of places to wear them.”

“You can when you visit me.”

Rey stops moving. They’ve been shopping for a while and she picked out a couple things but it’s tense and uncomfortable and Ben is doing his best to keep his mouth shut. He wishes he kept it shut.

He coughs, jamming his hands in his pockets. “You don’t have to. You can wear whatever you want. It’s easier to garden in longer pants and you look pretty in overalls.” Shit. “Pretty—not in a hot way—but they look… nice? On you?”

“Oh. Thanks.”

They’re somewhere in the back corner of the junior’s section and no one is around to hear, thank god. Ben nods, scanning the area, paranoid he’s going to be hauled off to jail again. He knows what he wants Rey to wear. He’s looked at the clothes a thousand times in the catalogue.

She picks a few dresses and motions for him to follow her to the fitting room. It smells musty and stale and the white rooms are fading into yellow, mismatching the dark carpeting riddled with stains. This isn’t a very clean Macy’s. Disappointing.

Ben stops outside the fitting rooms to wait for Rey like he has the past few times. She pauses, then takes his wrist and tugs him down the short hall into one of the cramped rooms. His heart pounds against his sternum but this time he remembers to keep his mouth shut.

It’s tight. Rey hangs up her dresses, avoiding his eyes, and she turns her back to him.

“People will think it’s weird if you’re standing out there alone,” she says.

Then she’s pulling off her shirt. Panicked, Ben covers his eyes before turning around to face the other wall. His mouth goes dry, and he tries not to think about what she looks like or what her skin feels like. It’s gonna be really uncomfortable walking around with a boner in Macy’s.

He hears some rustling and an annoyed huff. “Zipper. Can you zip me?”

He shakes his head. Rey laughs and pokes him in the ribs.

“I’m dressed, Ben. C’mon.”

“Can’t you reach?” he croaks.

“ _No_.” She curls her thin fingers around his upper arm and tugs, whining. “C’mon, really quick.”

Ugh. Ben swallows before he turns, covering his face with one hand and peering through his fingers. Rey is facing the mirror in front of them and raises her eyebrows but doesn’t comment.

He needs both hands to zip the dress, and it terminates down near the small of her back. He winces, glimpsing the band of her bra as he holds the fabric and tugs the zipper up between her shoulder blades, then he lets go like it’s venomous. Done. His knuckles just barely brushed her spine.

Rey leans onto her tiptoes and turns to check out how it fits. The pink contrasts her skin and makes it glow in the weird orange overhead lighting.

“Pretty,” she says, cocking her head. Her eyes look green. “Only twenty bucks, too.”

“Nice.” Ben nods and tries to remember how to breathe. This room is way too small. “I’ll wait outside for you to finish.”

“Unzip me first. Please.”

Fuck. He considers making a break for it but she turns and holds up her hair, so he unzips the dress, trying not to linger. But he notices more bruises on her back that match the one on her throat and face, and he pauses, confused. How did he manage to bruise her back like that?

Rey shimmies her arms free of the short sleeves. “You can just stay. I need more help zipping.”

Then the dress drops in a pool of fabric at her feet and Ben is too shocked to turn and hide his face. He can see her knobby spine and the sharp angle of her shoulder blades, and pink panties that don’t match her worn white bra, and her ribs protrude, and there are more bruises than there should be—

Rey turns, shifting all his attention to her chest instead. She has breasts. They’re close enough for him to reach out and touch, and not very big, but she has them. Her bra is too big.

He stares blankly for a minute. Rey’s cheeks have a faint pink flush that grows steadily darker red, but he barely notices because he’s too busy staring at her boobs and the very slight cleavage they make. Don’t touch. Don’t touch.

She chews her lower lip. Ben is still gawking when she grabs his wrist and brings his hand up to her breast.

It’s warm, but his hand is hotter. The fabric is soft from being washed a lot and her breast fits neatly in the palm of his hand and holy shit he’s touching a real girl and didn’t have to beg her to let him. Holy shit. He needs to stop before he gets in trouble.

But he doesn’t. Ben shifts forward a step, squeezing gently, curious to know what boobs even feel like, and her nipple stiffens through the fabric. His thoughts spin and his cock stirs as all the blood floods from one head to the other, leaving common sense behind. He kneads and brushes his palm with her nipple and flexes his other hand hanging at his side.

Someone ambles into the fitting rooms talking with another person. Clothes rustle and they laugh and Rey whispers: “More?”

He nods, stunned to silence. She reaches back to unhook her bra and shrugs out of it and holy _shit_ those are real boobs, round with light pink nipples that are small enough for Ben to circle with his thumb. So he does.

“Mom, can you get me a bigger size in the Levi’s?” calls a girl.

“Sure, honey.”

Rey shivers as Ben lightly rolls her nipple with the pad of his thumb. He wants _more._ He wants them in his mouth most.

“Can I…” He leans in, whispering. “Can I use my mouth?”

“Um—I don’t know.” She lowers her voice in turn and it trembles nervously.

He wants to, but it feels wrong to do it in public. Maybe they can lay on the futon and watch a movie while they do it. She can run her fingers through his hair like Mother used to and he can play with her under those pretty pink panties.

They need to go home where it’s quiet and private and no one will try to send Ben to jail. He greedily kneads her other breast for a minute, teasing her nipple between two fingers, and takes a shuddering breath. They should go, but he doesn’t want to stop, and doesn’t want her to change her mind.

But Rey turns a bit, angling her body away from him, and she gets dressed before he can say anything.

“We should go,” she mumbles. She adjusts her shirt and pointedly ignores Ben’s gaze. “Unkar will want to know where I’ve been.”

“Oh—right.” He nods, tugging on the thigh of his pants to give his dick some room. His cock aches. He wants to pin her against the mirror and fuck her.

Rey leads the way out, Ben flexing his hand that groped her chest. He’ll never forget it. He’s going to use that hand tonight when he touches himself.


	6. Papaver somniferum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO so something is wrong w my wrist and writing is difficult
> 
> that’s why I didn’t answer comments last chap i am sorry!!! also as expected I’m extending this fic

Unkar is waiting on the porch when they get home, and he doesn’t look happy. He jumps to his feet before Ben stops the car and is dragging Rey out in the next second. She shouts and shrieks and kicks and he screams back at her.

“Have you been _here_ this whole time, girl?!” Unkar spits. “I told you not to come near him!”

“Get OFF of me!” Rey hisses. She drops to the gravel, twisting and kicking. “Let me GO!”

Ben hurries out the driver’s side to intervene but one sharp look from Unkar stops him in his tracks. He can’t go back to prison. Mom can’t bail him out this time and he won’t survive alone.

Unkar, flabby and greasy as Ben remembers, points a stout finger in his face. “You stay away from her. She’s fifteen—and while I know that’s too _old_ for your tastes, she’s still a child.”

He only nods, terrified. Rey is dragged down the driveway still kicking and screaming and Ben just watches from beside his car. She didn’t get to bring her new clothes with her.

—•—

“Mister Plutt and I will have a long conversation when I come next week.”

It’s nightfall and Ben is sitting alone in his living room, staring at the blank television screen. Mother is usually good at comforting him but he doesn’t feel any better hearing her threats to punish Unkar. He’s worried about Rey and her bruises and bones.

He scratches his head. “I should’ve stopped him.”

“And go back to prison? You’re lucky he didn’t call the police.”

“Rey isn’t going to school like she’s supposed to. Maybe he thinks I’ll call the cops, too.”

“She isn’t?!” Mother echoes. “Then he hasn’t got a leg to stand on. I say you go over there right now and tell him that. You’re allowed to be friends with neighbors and she’s your damn neighbor.”

Ben drums his fingers on his thigh, throat constricting. “She isn’t just my friend, mommy. I really like her.” His lips press and work into a tight line. “She let me touch her earlier today when she was trying on clothes.”

Mother is quiet for a minute. Ben squeezes his eyes shut and fights the tears but they come anyway. He shouldn’t like her. She’s in tenth grade. Why does he always do this—why can’t he just find someone his own age like he’s supposed to?

Mother coos. “It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s okay. I’m not mad at you.”

“I don’t want to be like this.” He shakes his head, shivering and sobbing softly. “I don’t want to hurt her.”

“And you won’t hurt her. Just don’t make her do anything she doesn’t want to do, and let her have some freedom. Be gentle, and understanding, and you can do whatever you like with her.” Mother’s voice drops. “Just make sure she keeps her mouth shut.”

“O-Okay. Okay.” Ben nods, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “I really like her. I wish she was older.”

Mother laughs coldly, and Ben lilts into sniffles, confused. His heart pounds. Why is she laughing at him? She never laughs at him.

“No you don’t,” she hisses. “I’ve seen your computers, Ben. _Remember_?”

“But… but…”

“Oh, Ben. Oh honey.” Her voice distorts and thickens and deepens. “I know _exactly_ what you like.”

His eyes widen, and Ben hurls the phone into the wall, smashing it to pieces. No. No, no, no. That’s not right. She would never talk to him that way.

He hurries upstairs to get dressed, heart racing. Rey needs him. The bruises on her face and neck and back obviously aren’t just from crawling around looking for junk for Unkar to sell. Unkar shouldn’t be dragging her across the ground and shouting at her.

Even though what Ben did is public record—he can’t sleep knowing Rey is in trouble. He has to help, even if he ends up getting in trouble.

He grabs his keys and locks the front door but doesn’t take his car. It’s a five minute walk down the hill and through the small forest that separates their properties, and Ben doesn’t hesitate like he usually does when it’s dark and foggy. Mother will be mad. He’s going to have to get a new phone but maybe they can talk when she comes to visit.

Needles crunch underfoot as Ben trudges through the redwoods toward the porch lights on Unkar’s house. He wipes the tears from his cheeks and brushes aside brambles in his path, scratching his wrist. But he hardly notices the pain—because he sees a person dropping from one of Unkar’s windows.

He stops dead, afraid at first. He’s not a skinny kid with big ears being shoved into a locker, though: he’s _big_ and imposing, even if his personality betrays the intimidating shell it wears.

But it’s obvious in the next minute that Rey is the one escaping from the dilapidated old house, and she swings a bookbag over her back. Excitement pulses in Ben’s stomach as she runs up the hill toward the woods. Did she sense he was coming? Did she know to come out at the right time—is it fate?

She catches sight of him about fifty feet away and he waves awkwardly to put her at ease. Rey shifts her backpack and walks closer, slow and cautious.

“Hey,” Ben whispers, beaming. “It’s just me.”

“ _Ben_?” She laughs, breathy and subdued. “What’re you doing out here?”

“Well… I was worried. My mom told me not to but—I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Rey steps into a beam of moonlight. She has a black eye but everything else is hidden under a long sleeve turtleneck that’s baggy enough to hang past her thighs. She smiles a little, rueful.

“I’m alive,” she says, shrugging. One of her hands is extended, wrapped in a bandage. “I think I broke my finger.”

It’s uncomfortable seeing her battered and clearly abused, upsetting the image Ben has construed in his mind. Unkar has always been a pleasant, if gruff neighbor, and he dislikes associating him with abusing this girl he’s become infatuated with.

He motions toward his own home. “You can stay with me. I have a first aid kit, or we can go to the hospital.”

“It’s okay, I just need a splint. I can move it so I don’t think it’s really broke.”

Touching it is unthinkable. He’ll probably break it by accident.

Ben nods, swallowing nervously and leading her through the woods to his house. In the porch lights it becomes obvious that Rey has been crying, too: her eyes are puffy and red, and she sniffles while he unlocks the front door. She could probably use a bath and a long rest. Maybe he’ll let her ruin Minecraft again.

Unkar will come looking for her soon. Ben isn’t sure what he’s going to do when that happens. For now, she’s safe, and he doesn’t have to stay up all night worrying about her.

Rey takes off her sneakers and heads for the basement. Ben locks the front door, peering through the peephole to see if they were followed.

“You have a splint?”

He glances back. Rey stands in the kitchen, somehow even smaller.

“I’ll go grab it,” Ben says. He twists the deadbolt. “You can set up your stuff in the basement if you want. The guest room is sort of for my mom only.”

“Okay.” She wrings her hands, shoulders hunched. “Thank you.”

Then she hurries off to the basement.

Ben finds the first aid kit upstairs and brings it down to her. He doesn’t like blood or injuries or anything like that but Rey takes it into the bathroom and takes care of the (sprained) finger herself. She has the futon set up with blankets and pillows already and he’s happy to see that she’s comfortable.

He sits on the edge of the futon, examining his hands. This isn’t the time to ask if he can touch her, but he wants to stay and make sure she’s okay.

“So… does he hit you?” Ben calls to the open bathroom door.

It’s quiet. Water runs for a minute, then tape stretches and snaps. He realizes too late that it’s a rude question with an obvious answer.

The light flicks off and Rey emerges, cleaned up but still bruised on her neck and face. She’s changed into a holey _Looney Tunes_ T-shirt that sweeps her knees and gives him a painful view of the other bruises littering her arms and legs. She stares impassively at Ben until he looks at the floor, mumbling an apology.

“Sometimes,” she admits. “When I don’t bring home stuff to make money.”

“Oh.” Ben chews inside his cheek. “I’m sorry.”

Rey pads to the futon and sits right next to him, resting her head on his upper arm. He instinctively presses his cheek to the top of her head and warmth blooms in his stomach. This is nice.

She loops her arm through his. “Yeah. Could be worse.”

“Well—you’ll always be safe here. I’ll talk to him.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be safe anywhere,” she says. It’s too tired for someone her age; too worn. She hugs Ben’s bicep to her chest and turns to bury her face in it. “Nothing is ever free and easy; people don’t just do things to be nice. But thanks.”

Her voice cracks at the end and she breaks down into soft sobs. The sound unsettles Ben and he twists to kiss her hair, nuzzling and ignoring the simmering heat beneath his skin. He can see so much skin. So much of her thighs. They’re unblemished and tan and he thinks he’d like to sink his teeth into them.

Rey extricates herself, wiping her eyes and sniffling pitifully as she crawls to her blue blankets. Ben watches over his shoulder. He doesn’t want to leave. It’s warm here, and she smells nice, and she seems so fragile, and he isn’t sure why that draws him in.

“You don’t have to give me anything,” he blurts.

She lifts her head a bit to stare at him, then lets it drop down to the pillow. It’s almost pitch black in the basement but he hears the sheets rustling.

Ben rubs the corner of her soft blue blanket between his fingers and decides he wants to stay. He leans back, only moving a couple feet to lie beside Rey, and finds her eyes are wide open and staring through him. She searches his face as he adjusts himself, making the futon creak in protest.

“You don’t have to give me anything,” he repeats, whispering. “I’ll keep you safe no matter what.”

Rey sniffles. Her tears glimmer on her cheeks. His heart hammers faster and he knows he shouldn’t, but he leans in quick to kiss the tip of her nose.

She blinks rapidly, just as shocked as he is. Ben reddens and wishes he could crawl in a hole, but she giggles, covering half her face with the blanket. Her knee nudges his thigh as she curls up, twisting to bury her face in her gray pillowcase.

It’s not a bad reaction. He does it again when she turns to look at him and Rey has the same response—then she does it again, and he smiles at her hiccuping laugh. Kissing her on the lips is probably a step too far. Then again… no one will find out. As long as she likes it and isn’t refusing, what does it matter?

He shuffles closer, tugging her blanket to cover him, too. Rey rolls on her stomach and huffs so he tickles her waist with two fingers to test his limits.

“ _Stoooop_ ,” she complains, slapping his wrist lightly. “Tickling isn’t fair. That’s torture in some countries, y’know.”

“That sounds made-up.” Ben kisses the side of her head and worms a fingertip in the shirt hole near the small of her back. He brushes her spine.

“It’s totally real. I wouldn’t lie.”

“Okay, then look me in the eyes and say it.”

Rey shakes her head. He greedily traces her vertebrae, imagining what it might look like when she’s naked and how easily it might snap.

Ben nuzzles into her hair. “You have to do it or I’ll think you’re lying. You don’t want that, do you?”

She heaves a sigh and slowly turns her head, just enough so he can see her pretty pink lips and the glow of her hazel eyes. In the quiet darkness without Mother ranting in his ear, Ben finds the next moment an easy, instinctive decision to make.

He dips in and kisses her, and it feels like the stars align. Heaven materializes into view. Her mouth is soft and gentle and she leans forward a little to kiss him back, warm fingers alighting on his chest. It would be so easy to roll over on top of her—so easy to have his way with her like in the porn he watches.

Rey pops free and giggles more as she turns away to lie on her side. Ben starts to follow at the impatient twitch of his cock but doesn’t want to push her and make her cry. She’s had a hard day.

He rolls to his back, folding his arms behind his head and smiling. Good. At least she won’t go to bed sad.


	7. Abrus precatorius

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tiddy time

In the morning, Ben cuts a single king protea flower. He doesn’t usually mutilate his plants like this, but he wants a nice surprise for Rey when he wakes her.

The sun hasn’t risen over the horizon yet. Blue and purple dapples the dark forest, a haze of fog hanging over the grass. Some mornings the yard seems ethereal, like a dream—but it’s never felt like one. Not until now. Her.

He smiles at the flower, thoughts wandering to how he woke up: one arm around her middle, holding her in close, her soft breaths on the dip in his collarbone. Rey hadn’t moved when he carefully disentangled from her limp, skinny embrace, intent on making their first morning together something memorable. He’s going to make breakfast next. Hopefully she’s hungry.

Ben turns to walk inside when he hears tires on the gravel. He pauses on the porch steps and his heart skips a beat.

Unkar.

His rusty maroon F-150 comes to a stop a handful of feet from the porch. Ben wills himself not to run as his snarling neighbor hefts his gelatinous body from the cab, cursing up a storm and threatening to call the cops. Uh oh.

“ _You_!” Unkar barks.

Ben blinks and steps back as he walks up a step. Unkar seizes him by the collar and yanks him in close. He reeks of cigarettes and beer; Ben winces.

“Where is she?!” Unkar demands. “I know she’s here—where is she?!”

“She’s—I—”

Then Unkar shoves him, making Ben stumble up the steps. The flower flies from his hand as Unkar swings for his face.

Instinctively, just like kissing Rey, Ben catches Unkar’s fist. It’s as big a shock to him as it is to his neighbor, and Ben just stares at him for a long minute before deciding that he should maybe retaliate.

He punches Unkar square in the face.

The force knocks him down the steps and he tumbles right to the wheel of his truck with a muffled, pained groan. Ben shakes his hand and flexes his fingers, blood pumping excitedly. Holy shit. He just _punched_ someone. His knuckles hurt.

Unkar struggles to sit up. He’s cupping his face and pouring blood over his fingers, and he pales when Ben makes his way down the stairs. It gives him another powerful rush of adrenaline—Unkar is scared of him.

Ben points are his face with the scissor handles, trembling. “I know what you did. You hit her—you made her drop out of school.” He licks his lips and takes another step forward. “Stay away or _I’m_ calling the police, and we’ll both go to jail.”

“You’re fucked!” Unkar spits through his fingers. “You’re fucking sick!”

It’s easy to flip the scissors in his palm. Ben points the business end at Unkar this time, prodding his meaty forehead with the tip. His eyes cross to watch it.

“I’ll kill you.”

It slips out so naturally that Ben barely realizes he’s said it. _I’ll kill you_. He could drive the scissors right through Unkar’s repulsive face and save himself a lot of trouble. Then Rey will have nowhere to go. She can stay with him forever, and learn all about botany, and play as much Minecraft as she wants.

But that would be messy, and he hates a mess.

Unkar nods, and Ben leaves him slumped against the side of his truck. He cuts a second protea blossom for Rey because she’s worth it, and is back to smiling brightly when he walks into his house.

Front door locked, Ben finds a vase for the protea blossoms and sets them on the island. He washes his hands of Unkar’s blood and finds he’s still trembling and excited from the fight, full of energy he isn’t used to. Most days are quiet and dull here. This is new, and exciting, and a little scary.

He runs a hand through his hair and down the back of his neck. His heart is pounding so fast he feels dizzy. Maybe he should lie down for a while. Rey should still be asleep, since it’s not even seven yet.

And he’d like to kiss her again.

Ben shuffles to the basement with the vase in hand. He walks downstairs slowly so he doesn’t wake Rey, and smiles when he sees her lying fast asleep facing the wall, blankets tangled around her feet. Her shirt is hiked up and he can see her part of her spine and lower back, bony and tan.

He places the vase near the television before coming back to the futon, and stands there, staring. No one can take her away now. He’ll kill them if they try.

She doesn’t move as he joins her, tugging the blanket free of her long legs to cover them. Ben buries his face in her hair and breathes in deep, sidling closer, wrapping an arm around her middle. She’s so warm. Soft. He just wants to hug her until he crushes her.

“You’re safe,” he mumbles. His hand wanders to her bare belly under her thin T-shirt. “Promise.”

Rey doesn’t budge. She’s still limp, breathing gently in her sleep, and Ben sets to rubbing her stomach. Thin. But that’s okay: he doesn’t mind feeding her.

He should go get another phone today so he can call Mother. It’s going to get more confusing with having Rey here all the time, and he wants to make sure he doesn’t accidentally hurt her. He can’t bear the thought of it, even as his fingers creep under the ruffled hem of her T-shirt. Don’t hurt her. He won’t hurt her. She let him touch her in Macy’s.

Ben shifts his hips as his cock hardens, inches away from the tempting swell of Rey’s very pretty butt. He swallows a lump and keeps his face buried in her hair as his fingers skim her ribs, tracing them, quivering in their casual trek to her breasts. It’s fine. He’ll just play with her nipples for a few minutes and relax; come down from the fight. She won’t mind.

It’s so lewd. Wrong. Wrong. But he brushes the underside of her breast and then he’s grasping it, and her nipple pokes the middle of his palm. He squeezes, curious and breathless. Her skin is smooth and her breast fits perfect in his hand, not at all a handful but he doesn’t want that much, anyway. Nice and perky.

Rey squirms when Ben eagerly edges closer. He kneads and his fingers taper up to lightly pinch her nipple, testing how it feels between the tips—then her whole body goes ramrod straight.

She flips over, hazel eyes wide and scared. Ben panics, equally scared that she’s going to run away from him and he fucked up, so he leans in and kisses her. She breaks off, hyperventilating, and he follows, kissing her more firmly this time, one big hand heavy on her waist. Don’t go. She can’t go.

“Don’t go,” he mumbles against her mouth. He kisses her again. “I’m sorry.”

“Ben—” Rey reddens and twists away from the next kiss. She pushes on his chest. “Geez, let me brush my teeth first!”

He pauses. Oh. Sure.

Rey squirms from his arms and blows her hair from her face as she stumbles toward the bathroom. Ben sits up on the futon and anxiously watches her close the door and lock him out. Shouldn’t have done that. Girls don’t like when you just… grope them.

But she won’t leave. Ben scratches his head and breaks into a satisfied smile, because she has nowhere to go. She’ll always come home to him.

He’s sitting on the edge of the futon when Rey comes out of the bathroom. She hesitates near the doorway, swimming in her _Looney Tunes_ T-shirt. She bites her lower lip and Ben’s cock twitches in the waistband of his briefs. Beautiful. Perfect. He wants to hump her with the shirt on because it makes her look so tiny. Just the shirt. Nothing else.

Then she takes a nervous step toward him. Ben watches with his hands clasped in his lap and his jaw clicks audibly as Rey pulls off the shirt. It falls to the floor with a soft rustle and his mind goes blank. Breasts. No bra. He can see her tits. Her nipples are stiff and she shivers as she wanders closer.

He tracks her eyes right to the moment she stands between his knees, struggling not to ogle her boobs, then his gaze drops. Rey cards her fingers through his hair on either side of his head and she gingerly steps just close enough for Ben to grab her hips in either of his hands. He yanks her in, and Rey gives him an encouraging pull to her breast.

Lips part. Ben brushes her nipple with his tongue before he has it in his mouth, sucking hard enough to earn a yank on his hair. He greedily paws at Rey’s waist, grunting in frustration and feverish excitement: he has her tit in his mouth and he wants more already; wants to throw her down and fuck her like they do in porn. Wow, wow. _Fuck_ she’s overwhelming.

“Not so rough!” she hisses.

Don’t hurt her—don’t hurt her. Ben manages a muffled groan and reaches up to play with her other breast, and her fingers relax in his hair.

It’s easier after that. Relaxing. The soothing sucking motion has his eyes hooded and gazing blankly ahead, and soon his hands are resting on her hips again. Wet, noisy sounds fill the quiet basement, Ben busy suckling while Rey lightly drags her nails across his scalp. He shudders. This is nice. This is so nice. It hearkens to old memories buried under time and discomfort so deep that he’s not even sure they’re real anymore.

But Rey shivers and pushes away within a minute or two. Her face is flushed pink as she swipes her shirt from the floor and slips it over her head.

“I should go home,” she says, avoiding Ben’s eyes.

He shakes his head, jerking to his feet. “No—you don’t have to. I talked to Unkar.” Fuck, he’s so hard and it’s so distracting. How can he get her to mess around with him?

Rey pauses. She frowns, tilting her head, and Ben nods quickly.

“I told him to stay away. He came here, but I told him to go away and leave you alone.”

“…Really?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Ben wipes the saliva from his mouth and glances down at Rey’s nipples poking through her thin shirt. “Punched him. I was getting you flowers.”

He gestures to the television and Rey turns to look. She stares at them for a minute, fingering the hem of her T-shirt like she’s thinking.

Her hazel eyes flicker to Ben again, and he thinks she’s so beautiful that it’s going to kill him.

“Can I stay here?” she asks meekly.

“Definitely. Yes.” Ben nods, swallowing, and rubs the back of his head. “I’m sorry if I scared you.”

“It’s okay.” She smiles but it seems sad. “Thanks for helping me, Ben. And for the flowers.”

He keeps nodding as she approaches, staring, and Rey leans on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. She takes the vase upstairs with her and he has a hard time peeling his eyes away from the empty steps once she’s gone.

Ben exhales a shaky breath. He’s so pent-up but doesn’t want to risk Rey catching him touching himself, and feels dirty doing it when she’s in the house. Still, he adjusts his cock, and paces, and bites his nails. He _really_ likes what they just did. Next time he’s going to try to do more—next time he wants to come and make her come.

There’s no one to get in the way now. He’s going to do exactly what Mother suggested.


	8. Ricinus communis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I started a new job I really like but I don’t have as much free time as I used to, so updates are going to slow down 😬 unfortunately fanfic does not pay the bills!!

“You should get the new iPhone!”

Rey skips past Ben to check out the new iPhone she’s so excited about, up on display with all the other phones that seem pretty much the same to him. She picks it up and beams over her shoulder. She’s wearing her new clothes that he bought her and it gives him a warm, satisfied feeling.

“See? It has more cameras.” She turns it over in her hands. “And it’s faster.”

Thankfully the mall is mostly empty and the Verizon employee is busy helping someone else. Ben ambles past a display of cases and hovers next to her, shrugging, pretending to be looking at the phone while he checks out her cleavage.

“Do you have one?” he asks.

“Yeah, I have an older one—Unkar will probably disconnect it soon.” Rey rolls her eyes and puts the phone back. “He’s such a jerk.”

“Do you want that one?”

“I can maybe get the eight once I get some money saved.”

“I can get you the new one.” Ben nods when she looks up at him, brow furrowed. “I don’t mind. I’ll get the older one—you’re young, you should have the new thing so you can talk to your friends.”

Rey’s eyebrows slowly raise. Her gaze flickers to the phone and back to him, uncertain. He _does_ have plenty of money, and he wants to buy her nice things. She deserves nice things.

She crosses her arms and leans out, peering around unsurely. “You don’t have to do that. You’ve already done a lot for me.”

“I want to.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and studies the phone resting on the display stand. “You deserve nice things.”

Rey reddens and hugs herself tighter. She shakes her head.

“Let me think about it. Do some research.”

Then she wanders off toward the next display for Android. Doesn’t she want the phone? Did he say something wrong? Come on too strong?

Ben picks an older phone just in case and types Mother’s number into his contacts as they leave the store. She’ll be mad that he hasn’t called but happy that Rey is living in the house and away from Unkar. Right where she should be.

They wander for a while through wide, empty corridors past closed stores and a Bath & Bodyworks. There isn’t much around anymore. Not the same as when Ben was a kid.

Rey hops up on the edge of a coin-filled fountain as they near the exit. She teeters but doesn’t fall, circling the bluish green water while peering in to its depths.

“Wanna see a movie?” she calls.

“Sure,” he replies, distracted. “Be careful. It might be slippery.”

She huffs and jumps down a couple feet away from him. What? He just doesn’t want her to smash her head open.

Rey leads Ben to the theater at the other end of the mall. There’s a Pixar movie about a dinosaur playing and he’s more than happy to see it if that’s what she wants. He pays for their tickets and insists on snacks, because it isn’t really a date without them.

He has a lot of bad traits—but he’s not cheap like his fucking father.

She takes his hand and leads him into the dark theater, where previews are already playing. There’s a woman with two kids sitting down in front but Rey leads Ben up the steps to the very back in the dead center. He prefers the front.

“You can see up here?” he whispers. He can’t.

“Yeah, it’s better acoustics. I think.” She shrugs and plops in her seat, clapping her hands. “I can’t _wait_ ; I love these kinds of movies.”

Ben sits, because he doesn’t want to trouble her. She leans across the armrest to kiss his cheek when he hands her the popcorn, then she slips away, gone in the blink of an eye. She wriggles and beams when the movie starts—and he stares for a minute, mesmerized. Mother was right. She’s perfect.

Light flickers across Rey’s round face as she casually shoves fistfuls of popcorn in her mouth. Ben’s gaze wanders down to her belly, and he feels a pang of anxiety. She’s so _thin_. It’s like she might disappear.

“Do you want more food?” he asks.

She shakes her head without looking away from the movie. Alright. Just need to make sure she eats more later.

He reluctantly watches the movie for a while, turning over what he’s going to feed her later. His mind wanders along the same filthy thread it usually does, and soon he’s imagining licking whipped cream off her tits, or even suckling until milk comes out. Not possible without the mints Mother used to use. He should still have some…

His crotch gets tight at the same time as his throat. Ben coughs and shifts, tugging at his jeans, but it’s too late to avoid the awkward boner.

Rey offers the popcorn and he shakes his head, relieved she can’t see how much he’s blushing. She licks her fingers clean and sets the bucket in the empty seat next to her, then she reaches over the armrest. Does she want to hold hands? Oh god. Are his palms sweaty and weird?

She brushes his thigh first, making him jump. Ben stares ahead and his eyes slowly widen as her fingertips creep toward his crotch. His mind races in a thousand different directions and then—stops dead.

He’s frozen as her warm palm grazes his cock through his jeans. He glances down without moving his head, ears ringing. Tell her to stop. She’s a teenager, you’re an adult, and you can push her away.

Rey keeps watching the movie as she curls her fingers around as much of his length his jeans allow. She squeezes a little, stroking awkwardly up and down, and Ben can’t stop a low groan. He tries to muffle it in his fist but her hand darts skittishly back to her lap. Must’ve scared her.

He leans over to talk in her ear and grasps her wrist. The movie rolls on.

“You can keep going,” he whispers, tugging. “It’s okay.”

“I shouldn’t have… I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay—it’s okay. It feels good.” Gentle, Ben draws her hand to his cock again, heart pounding. “Have you ever touched one before?”

She shakes her head quickly. Good. She’s a good girl—all his. And she’s rubbing him just the right way, and if he doesn’t find a good distraction he’s going to come in his pants.

But it’s so ridiculously hot that he doesn’t _want_ to think about anything else: just her thin, warm hand jerking him off in public, where someone could see; where they might get caught. He watches the way her hand rubs the bulge in his pants, mesmerized by _her_ touching _him_ and barely stifles a grunt when he climaxes. Rey strokes a bit faster and harder, forcing a satisfied breath that he can’t control, hips pushing his twitching cock into her small hand.

His heart hammers as he comes down from his orgasm, shivering and still excited despite not lasting very long. Rey touched him—a girl touched his dick. Now he’s a fucking mess, but it was worth it.

“Wow,” he breathes. Ben rubs his face and laughs a little. “ _Wow._ ”

She doesn’t respond. She picks up her popcorn and resumes eating.

Things seem okay after the movie and on the drive home. Rey is quiet but he figures she’s tired and doesn’t want to bother her with questions. She gazes out her window at the passing streetlights and keeps her trembling hands folded in her lap.

Ben takes a shower and changes as soon as they get home, but puts off calling Mother. Maybe Rey is upset. Why would she be, though?

As he comes down the stairs to find her and ask how she’s feeling, he hears soft sobs mingled with sniffles. Guilt burns in his stomach and he wanders to the empty living room, where he finds what he was afraid of: Rey hunched over crying on the couch.

Ben hesitates a couple steps away. What should he say? What did he do?

Her head snaps around and she fixates him with a defensive glare for a second—then it melts into a quivering lip and another sob, and she hides her face in her hands. Yellow porch light spills through the window, casting a glow across her hair.

Ben shuffles to her side and sits. Pats her back. “It’s okay. You’re safe here.”

Rey doesn’t answer. She just cries and cries until she’s sleepy, sagging against his ribs and sniffling. Tired out. Maybe she’s worried about leaving home and living with him; maybe she misses her parents. Tonight he’ll order the phone online and surprise her with it. She’ll like that—that will make her happy.

He rests his cheek on top of her head and sits there for a while. Her breathing slows and turns shallow as she dozes off, making him afraid to move and wake her up. They should have dinner before bed. Rey needs to eat more; gain some weight.

Ben’s eyes wander to her small hands curled in her lap, and his thoughts wander, too. She _touched_ him—jerked him off right in public. He didn’t even have to ask or beg or buy her anything. Her curious little fingers brought him to orgasm, even though he usually uses a tighter grip when he jerks off to porn. Sometimes pain makes it more intense—choking is supposed to make it feel _really_ good. But Rey can’t choke him with her thin fingers.

Ben wraps his arm around her waist and keeps staring at her hands, mind weaving different possibilities. He traces her knuckles with his index finger, ridge to ridge, then closes her entire hand in his palm. He could definitely choke her. Snap her neck like a stem. Like an aloe vera leaf, juice and all spilling out.

Rey stirs, mumbling in her sleep, dispelling the depraved part of Ben back to the dark place it comes from, with mints and Mother and sprays of blood. He hugs her closer when she nuzzles in, and smiles and presses a wet kiss to her hair. She’s a good girl. _His_ good girl. He’ll feed and water her and prune her leaves so she can grow big and strong—and bloom.


	9. Tribulus terrestris

Girls are prettiest when they’re unconscious.

Ben contemplates how pretty his unconscious Rey is as he carries her down to the basement and settles her on the futon. Her face is so peaceful and blank, just like his dolls he keeps carefully organized and clean in his computer room. Limp. Quiet.

Her face scrunches as he covers her with a blanket, and he gives her a kiss on the forehead. He’s going to order her phone and brush Samantha’s hair for a bit before he goes to bed. Tonight he’ll sleep in the basement with Rey, just because she’s so upset. She might need him.

His new phone vibrates. Mother is calling, like she always does—hanging in the back of his mind and refusing to leave. He slips into his computer room full of monitors, dolls lining the walls, and sits at his desk.

“Hello?”

“Where have you _been_?”

Ben reaches up to take down Samantha from her stand. He finds her brush in a drawer, resting on top of some old Playboys from Han. His heart pounds at Mother’s angry tone.

“Busy,” he mumbles.

“Too busy for your mother? After everything I’ve done for you?”

“Rey lives with me now. I have to take care of her.”

“What about your poor mother, Ben? Don’t you care about her?”

Mother launches into one of her tirades and Ben puts her on speaker while he brushes Samantha’s hair. The room is almost soundproof so Rey won’t be able to hear anything from outside. She’ll tire herself out after a couple minutes and leave him alone.

“I don’t think I’m going to visit!” she snaps.

Normally that would upset him, but… he still has mints that she used to take to breastfeed him, and he could easily put them in Rey’s food instead. He doesn’t _need_ Mother like he used to.

“Okay,” he replies, shrugging. He replaces Samantha up on the shelf and picks another doll, Felicity. “It’s okay if you’re busy.”

Mother scoffs. “You won’t survive without me. You _need_ me.”

Ben hangs up. He hums to himself while he brushes Felicity’s hair and chews his lower lip. Where did he leave those mints?

Typically, he likes to watch porn after he’s done brushing, but with Rey right outside it feels wrong. Unnecessary. He searches the drawers in the computer room for the mints—he needs a couple to make his new girlfriend start lactating—and finds them stashed in a bottom drawer. Two whole bottles, not expired. It’s a good start.

But she needs to take three a day so it’s impossible to hide them in her food. They can talk about it tomorrow, and he can explain how much he needs her to take them. She’ll understand.

Ben shuts down his computers and mixes the combination on the door after he’s out. Rey is asleep on her stomach, one long leg sticking out from the blankets. She looks so pretty and vulnerable. He can wrap most of his hand around her little thigh.

He puts the pill bottles away in the TV stand and carefully crawls on the futon to lie beside Rey. She frowns when he pulls up the blanket over him, too, and her hazel eyes flutter open. For a second she seems confused so Ben cranes his neck and kisses her, hoping she’ll let him unbutton her blouse and play with her breasts for a little while.

She starts to draw back but Ben follows and slips his tongue in her mouth, and Rey tentatively kisses him back. He cups the back of her head and shifts closer. He’s already getting hard; already fighting off fleeting fantasies of rolling over on top of her and fucking her. He doesn’t even have a condom. What if she gets pregnant? Mother would be happy.

Clumsy, Ben pushes his hand up the front of Rey’s shirt. She jumps a little but doesn’t resist as he paws up her bra and cups her breast in just his palm.

Feels nice. Her nipple is stiff and tickles him as he rolls his hand, massaging her breast for a minute before moving to the other one. Rey breaks their kiss and pants on his neck, squirming and fisting his shirt as he kisses down her cheek to her throat.

Something overrides his curiosity in exploring her body with his hands. Ben pushes his weight forward to guide Rey on her back, head spinning wildly in one direction. He wants to get off. The fastest way to do that is rubbing, the same way he did in high school. Sometimes it’s better than using a hand.

But he also _really_ wants her hand on his cock again. That felt nice. Does she think it’s big?

Her soft exhale as he fits between her thighs seems to point to yes. She’s warm there, thin pants leaving very little between his dick and her vagina. Pussy. He’s not a big fan of the slang words for it. They’re so _harsh_ and ugly and vaginas are so pretty and soft.

“Is it big?” Ben whispers in her ear.

She nods quickly and wraps her legs around his hips, and before he can do anything, she’s squirming against him. Her hands wrap around his back and nails dig into his shoulder blades, quick little panting puffing on his neck, hot and humid. Rey is humping him and it feels better than what he’s been dreaming about.

It’s almost like having sex. Ben thrusts eagerly, kissing her neck until he’s sure he left hickies, meeting her wriggling hips. The futon groans as he slaps a hand on the bar just past his head and squeezes his fingers around it to help anchor himself. Feels so good—even better than her rubbing him in the movie theater. Her body is warm and soft and the whimpers she lets out quickly drive him to the edge.

Then Rey digs her nails in harder and her soft whimpers turn into louder moans. She stifles them against his shoulder and her breaths quicken. Her writhing intensifies—and Ben realizes she must be having an orgasm, and as she stiffens and bucks, he _knows_ she’s having an orgasm.

Her body goes slack underneath him after a couple seconds and he pushes up on all fours. Rey stares as Ben reaches a hand down his pants and pulls out his cock, pumping fast and pawing her shirt up so he doesn’t come on it. She helps with trembling fingers and he gasps when he climaxes, spilling cum right on her flat tan belly and even further up her chest. To his immense pleasure, Rey watches the entire time, lips parted and eyes wide.

Soon the rhythmic contractions through his cock taper off, leaving him panting and shivering on top of Rey. She’s covered in cum. It’s so fucking hot.

Ben swallows, croaking. “Have you ever… seen one?”

She shakes her head and keeps staring. Ben nods and looks down at his cock with her. It’s shrinking a little, leaking some cum into the palm of his hand.

He glances up and reddens at her continuing to stare. What? Is it ugly?

But Rey reaches down her thin fingers and he shifts forward to let her touch his cock. Breathless, Ben watches her stroke the head and web his cum between her fingertips. It’s kind of sensitive but he can put up with it. She’s _touching his cock._

She withdraws and smiles a little. “Can I have a towel, please?”

Ben gets up quickly and washes off his hands, then brings back a washcloth from under the sink. He wipes her stomach clean and kisses her forehead. He shouldn’t have shown her his dick. Fuck.

But Rey seems okay. She takes off her shirt and bra and Ben covers his face as fast as he can, turning the other direction so he doesn’t stare at her tits. That felt good. In another hour he’ll probably be ready to go again if she is. Will she be?

“Hey Ben?”

He turns, rubbing his mouth, and tries to play it cool. Rey has her hands at her sides and her cheeks are red like his must be. She’s not wearing a shirt or a bra. Her boobs are just… there.

She motions to the futon. “Um… if you wanted to do that thing?” Hurried and nervous, she gestures toward her chest. “If you want.”

 _Yes_. It’s a nice way to relax.

Ben nods and rubs his nape. “Do you—we can go upstairs. My bed is comfier than the futon.”

Rey nods, too. Good. He wants her in his bed.

They walk upstairs, and Ben locks the basement behind them. It’s getting dark and no one will be able to see his teenage neighbor walk through his house without a shirt on. Neighbor. Girlfriend. She’s definitely his girlfriend now.

He leads her to his bedroom, still a mess from this morning. She doesn’t care. She jumps in his bed and rolls over on her back and then she’s pulling off her pants. Ben’s hand slips off the handle as he shuts the door, pausing to watch her.

“Is it okay if I see Rose tomorrow?” she asks. Her pants come off and she throws them to the floor. “I told her she could see your flowers.”

“…Sure, sure.” Ben’s eyes trail down her long legs and back up to her green panties. “Whatever you want.”

Rey beams, sitting up with her knees bent and arms hanging between them. She looks so sweet and innocent and all his. He’s going to love her forever.

Ben crosses to the bed and climbs in beside her. She lays on her side and embraces him, fingers combing through his hair. He doesn’t waste any time and latches on to her nipple as fast as he can, sucking, grasping her waist and squeezing. Yes yes. Her fingers in his hair are nice and gentle and happy warmth simmers in his stomach. This is nice.

Lazy, he pulls the blanket over them, stroking his tongue on Rey’s soft nipple. Soon milk will come out when he does it just right, and every night they’ll lay together until she’s empty, then he’ll cum in her mouth so she’s full, too.

Like he always does, Ben fondles himself while he pretends to nurse; a casual hand worming down the front of his pants. His cock hardly reacts but he strokes it anyhow out of habit, eyes hooded, imagining Rey’s throat full with it. Every night. Sometimes he’ll let her swallow but it might be fun to come on her face, too. Like in porn.

And Rey does the same thing. Her hand slips between her legs and Ben hears wet sounds and quick breaths before he picks up on what’s happening. It helps him get hard again and he suckles more rhythmically as he works his cock in short, excited strokes. Mother would slap his hand when she caught him touching himself but _Rey_ is doing the same thing. Masturbating.

He cups his hand on hers rubbing between her thighs. He’s achingly hard but wants to feel the way her knuckles move and squirm in her panties, and he groans against her breast, shivering, tracing her frantic fingers with his own. It’s okay as long as he doesn’t touch her private parts. Humping is okay. Cupping her hand. He just can’t feel her soft little pussy the way he _desperately_ wants to.

“Ben,” she breathes.

Her hand wriggles free and grabs his. Ben pops off her nipple and his eyes widen as she pushes his palm against her vagina.

“Rey…” His breath hitches when she rolls her hips. “Rey, I can’t—I’m not supposed to touch girls.”

“You can touch me. Please?”

She’s warm, and he feels dampness through her panties. Ben traces the line of her slit through the thin fabric, huffing and shifting as his cock stiffens. Fuck. He’s not supposed to. He might get in trouble.

But she asked. She wants it. Wants _him_.

He hesitantly lifts the hem of her panties with his middle finger. Down he presses, latching on to her nipple again as he spreads her wet folds around his fingertip. Rey squirms and he wanders deeper, crooking his finger and gently pushing it inside her. It’s tight and hot and wet and she clenches around his finger. The skin is all ribbed. It’s going to feel fucking amazing around his cock.

Ben isn’t sure what to do so he gently pumps his finger. Rey rubs herself and her insides flutter around him, hips bucking so she’s kind of fucking herself on his middle finger. He adds another one and she whimpers at the stretch.

Her muscles tighten and squeeze on his finger when she comes a minute or two later. She cries out his name, and Ben thinks it’s probably the best day of his life.

Mother never let him masturbate while he nursed. He takes advantage of the opportunity and suckles as he feverishly strokes his cock with the hand that was just touching Rey. Her hand cups the back of his head and he grunts, nuzzling in, dizzy with excitement. He’s going to make a mess and he never gets to make a mess. Mother always punished him if he did.

“Can I?” Rey whispers. She touches his forearm.

Yes. Yes yes. Ben reluctantly kisses away from her breasts up to her mouth, shifting his hips up so she can wrap her fingers around his shaft. She kisses him, immediately stroking a little too fast and soft, so he touches her hand to show her how he likes it. Rey is jerking him off. Holy shit.

He breaks their kiss, fucking into her hand. “I’m gonna come—I’m gonna come.” Ben kisses her again. He’s gonna come.

Rey moves a bit faster and he groans as he trips over the edge, bucking and kissing her jaw to suppress an embarrassing whine. His cock twitches in her hand and he spills all over her fingers and wishes he could stick his cock down her panties and come inside them instead.

Her hand slips away and she kisses him. Ben leans in, pushing his tongue in her mouth, cupping her face. She touched him. She _likes_ him.

Rey laughs. “Um… I think I’ll take a shower.”

“Oh—Okay.”

She smiles and kisses him once more before she gets up. Ben sits up and watches her wander into the bathroom, and clears his throat.

“Do you feel better?”

She pauses at the doorway. Her fingers tap and she turns to smile over her shoulder. It doesn’t reach her eyes.

“I’m okay,” she says. “I’ll be right back.”

“Did it feel good?” He swallows a lump, nervous. “For you? Did you like it?”

“Yeah, it felt good. It’s good. My mom used to do this stuff, so…” She shrugs and keeps smiling but now it seems sad. “I think I’ll get used to it.”

Then she walks in the bathroom. Ben flops back and rubs his face. Good. At least she liked it.


	10. Banisteriopsis caapi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DONEEEEE

The bed is empty when Ben wakes up. He sits bolt upright, tense—Rey is wandering around the house. What if she sees something? Runs away? Maybe he should handcuff her to the bed at night.

Uneasy, he gets up to find her.

It’s quiet and still like usual; like it has been since he moved in after the… incident. Mother always said he was smart—she said he could do anything he wanted, and he found the answer to cold fusion. He had to move. Interviews. Always people asking him ‘what happened to Leia’ and thinking he got away with—

The bathroom door opens and Rey steps out. She jumps at the sight of Ben and laughs when she realizes it’s him, passing a hand through her messy hair, drawing his gaze. She looks cute.

“Something wrong?” she asks.

“No. I was just worried.” He wrings his hands and reddens. Hopefully she can’t see it. “Thought you left or something like that.”

“Just had to pee, that’s all.”

Good. Good. She didn’t go in Mother’s room. Ben smiles and nods, and shuffles over to check the door and make sure it’s locked. Rey is walking past at that moment and she freezes when the handle turns.

His heart skips a beat. Ben blinks, mind running a mile a minute. She didn’t. She wouldn’t. If she went in there—well that’s Mother’s private space. That’s unforgivable. He closes his eyes and wills the blood roaring in his ears to slow down. His fist tightens on the door handle before he shuts it and lets go. Behind him, Rey is quiet. She hasn’t moved yet.

“…You didn’t go in here,” he asks softly. Slowly, Ben turns to stare at her, and is a bit relieved to see she looks genuinely confused. “Did you?”

“No. You said that room is off-limits.”

“Yes. That’s Mother’s room.”

“I know. I didn’t go in there, Ben. I didn’t even go in the flower room without your permission.”

There are things in there she shouldn’t see. Private things. He rubs his mouth, anger prickling up his spine. Did she go in Mother’s room? He _asked_ her not to. He’s been very nice to her.

Rey offers a thin hand, smiling. It trembles.

“Let’s go back to bed. I’m tired.”

“Are you sure? You’re sure you didn’t go in?”

She nods. Maybe he just forgot to lock it when he went in the other day. Rey is a good girl—she wouldn’t intrude.

Ben closes his eyes and sighs. He takes her hand and she brightens, squeezing his fingers.

“Promise?” he asks.

“Promise.”

“Because she doesn’t like to be disturbed when she’s resting.”

Rey’s smile falters. “Right.”

Right. Okay.

They head back to the bedroom together and Ben decides to show her the mints in the morning. She’ll understand.

And if she’s going to be with him forever—she needs to take her medicine.

—•—

Rey’s friend Rose comes to the house the next day to play, and Ben watches them from the kitchen window for a while. Rose is pretty. Shy, unlike Rey, and kind of quiet. But she seems nice, so Ben lets them go outside while he tends to his plants, then he watches them wandering around laughing and talking.

Rey took her first pill a couple hours ago and her next one is due soon. He’s going to help her remember instead of giving her a pill box like Mother had. It’s better for him to be absolutely sure that she’s taking her medicine.

It’s nice for Rey to have friends, but Ben is ready for Rose to leave so she can take her medicine. He catches her eye through the window and waves and smiles and she smiles faintly. She whispers in Rose’s ear and they start toward the house.

After that, Rose goes home, and Rey takes her medicine. It’s late in the afternoon, sun sinking behind the trees, and Ben brings her upstairs so she can change into something more comfortable. Something with easier access. Maybe a skirt.

“Do you like me, Ben?”

He starts nodding, staring at her bare thighs but quickly looking into her eyes.

“Yes. So much.” His jaw shifts. “I love you.”

Rey pauses in the middle of taking off her shirt. She stares, face blank.

“Why?” 

“I… I don’t know. It’s just a feeling, not a list of reasons. I just love you—a lot.”

There’s another long pause. Rey keeps staring and Ben blushes and crosses and uncrosses his arms. Should’ve waited to tell her that.

“Sorry,” he blurts. “I didn’t—”

“So when we kiss and stuff,” she interrupts, “it’s because you… love me?”

“Why else would I kiss you?” He frowns, puzzled. “I kiss you and buy you presents because I love you, not because you’re a… a, uh… you know.”

Rey’s lower lip quivers. Her hazel eyes well up with tears and Ben about goes into a panic.

But she smiles, and laughs a little, and wipes her eyes. He watches her warily but she keeps laughing and shakes her head. Okay. She doesn’t seem mad, at least. Didn’t he make it obvious that he loves her?

“So… so you won’t make me leave if I ever don’t want to do stuff?”

“No. No.” Ben shakes his head quickly. “Never. Why would I do that?”

Rey breaks down into tears and before he can move, she has her skinny arms thrown around his waist. He frowns, still confused but happy to embrace her and bury his face in her hair. She cries into his chest for a while until she’s sleepy, the same way she always gets after she cries. Must be because she’s so thin.

Ben brings her to bed and tucks her in so she can rest. He needs to tend to the garden outside, and Rey needs to sleep for a while.

—•—

“Ben—I’m getting kind of sore.”

Bees buzz past Ben’s head as he looks up from gardening at the sound of Rey’s voice. She’s hovering in the shade, wincing and cupping her breasts, barefoot even though she shouldn’t be. All kinds of bugs and germs live in the dirt and can penetrate the soles of your feet.

He wipes his forehead and pulls off his gloves. “C’mere, honey.”

No need to chastise her today. Rey’s medicine is working and the milk is coming in, and he knows it can be uncomfortable.

She does as she’s told and approaches, skirting his tools and stepping over his pile of twigs and dead leaves. It’s been a couple weeks: her shoulders aren’t quite as skinny and her ribs are gradually disappearing, wrists thickening. She looks much healthier.

Ben, on his knees, pushes up her tank top and she cups the back of his head. They’re behind the house so no one sees him latch, and hopefully they don’t hear Rey gasp. She tugs his hair—she’s sensitive, but when a small trickle of milk spills in his mouth, Ben feels her relax and sigh. It’s little bits at a time right now but when she gets used to the feeling of being full, he won’t have to have little bits at a time.

Her skin is salty and cool from the air conditioning. Soon he wants to bring her to the beach for a vacation. Just the two of them.

She combs her fingers through his hair while he gently relieves the pressure, suckling until her breast is empty. His hands stay on her hips and he rubs rhythmic circles on her bare skin with his thumbs, eyes closed, enjoying the taste of the thin, watery milk. Kind of an acquired taste, but so is cum, and Rey swallows that.

He kisses her belly when he’s done and fixes her tank top. “Let’s go inside. I should take a break.”

Most days Rey stays inside. He likes when her hands and skin are soft.

Ben follows her in and goes to take a shower, parking her in front of the TV with her phone until he’s done. His cock is already getting hard so he makes the water freezing cold so the blood reroutes, which will give him extra time to fool around with Rey.

He washes off all the sweat and dirt and goes downstairs, beaming when she looks over the back of the couch. She smiles back and climbs in his lap as soon as he sits down. She’s wearing a skirt—there’s just something about skirts that he really likes.

“Did you take your pill?” he asks as she pulls off her tank top.

“ _Yes_ , at two. I remembered.”

Rey drops her shirt and reaches down for Ben’s belt. He could wear sweatpants or something but—there’s just _something_ satisfying about watching her small hands work open his belt. Something. He likes watching her suck his cock, too: on her knees when she’s pretending to ‘pay’ him for dinner. When she swallows he can touch the back of her throat.

But she needs his help right now and he can’t do that if she’s on her knees. Ben licks his lips as she takes out his cock, stroking a couple times before she leans up on her knees and brings it under her skirt. Her panties are off and he bucks against her wet pussy like he always does, excited to _rub_ , because that’s all they do. But he doesn’t mind. It feels great.

Rey threads her fingers in his hair as he latches and helps roll her hips. He sighs happily, suckling her milk, and she squirms in his lap. Another good day like all the others. He loves her.

Her breath is warm. He frowns when she shifts up, then his eyes pop open at the heat of her entrance teasing the head of his cock. Ben huffs and presses his fingertips into her hips as Rey pushes down, whimpering and enveloping him, tight muscles clenching. She pants and wriggles up and down to work him deeper and he keeps nursing, breathless. Okay. Maybe he should—maybe he should get a condom. If she’s ready.

But it feels so fucking good. She’s _tight_ and hot and he doesn’t want to ruin the mood. She’s just taking him without asking. His heart hammers and he helps push on her hips, groaning with her nipple in his mouth. It’s nice being taken advantage of.

Rey sinks down on his cock up to the hilt and he stops for a second, overwhelmed and gulping a deep breath. Ben squeezes his eyes shut and she kisses his temple. Holy _shit_ it feels good. He can’t come inside. Don’t come inside her. You can’t come inside a fucking fifteen year old.

“I’m gonna come,” he manages. Ben grabs her ass and twists his neck, and Rey nibbles. “Rey—I’m—I can’t.”

Is _he_ ready? His throat feels tight like he might cry, even though it feels like he’s about to pass out from how good it is. He’s inside Rey’s body. Her muscles flutter around his cock like she wants him to come inside her; like they were made for this. Tension builds and his cock twitches. Don’t cry. You’re having sex. Don’t ruin it and cry.

He does. It isn’t like heaving sobs but some tears get out and Rey kisses them. His knuckles are white and his whole body is tense, struggling to hold back from giving in to instinct. Mother’s voice echoes somewhere in his head even though he hasn’t really heard it since she died.

“I want you to,” Rey mumbles in his ear. She moves up and slowly back down, and Ben groans. “Please?”

He nods, vaguely, then he’s pounding into her. She sits upright and puts her hands on his chest so he can watch her bounce in his lap, but it only lasts a couple more seconds. Ben jerks his hips when he climaxes, scrambling for her hips to move her the way he needs as he empties inside her warm body. He whimpers her name, gasping and shuddering from the sheer pleasure of filling a girl up with his cum.

It tapers off like always and he laughs a little as Rey kisses his cheek and jaw. His hands shake on her hips and he hugs her, uncomfortably emotional, and she loops her arms around his neck to hug him back.

“Sorry,” he breathes. He nuzzles her hair. “Did it feel good?”

“Mhm. Really good.”

“Good. Good.” He swallows. “I should use a condom next time but I’ll go get that pill at the pharmacy.”

“You don’t have to.”

Ben frowns. “But you might get pregnant.”

“I know.”

Confused, he loosens his grip so she can sit upright on his lap. His erection is building again already, and the shift of her hips gives extra stimulation. Rey seems to realize it: she rolls in a tight circle, and up and down.

“Rose is having a baby,” she says, “and I told her I would, too. It seems like fun.”

“But… she’s your age, isn’t she?”

“Yeah, so? My mom had me when she was sixteen.”

Ben arches, groaning softly and meeting her rhythmic movements. He draws his fingertips along her flat belly and a sharp, possessive impulse jolts through him. If she gets pregnant, then she can never leave. She’ll always need him, especially if she drops out of high school to take care of the baby.

He nods, distracted by how good she feels. His hand fumbles between her legs and he makes her come this time before he does again. A _baby_. That would be nice. Ben stuffs his cock as deep inside her as he can when he comes, aching from the rhythmic contractions of her warm, wet pussy. Rey might be a good mother.

He brings her up to their bedroom so she can rest after, shiny and slick from his cum, and that just makes him want to fuck her again. Ben tucks her in and watches from the bedroom door before he closes it behind him. They’re going to need a room for the nursery.

His gaze wanders to Mother’s room. Maybe it’s time to ask her to leave.

Ben walks to the door and takes out his keys. Now he’s a man—he has sex and his girlfriend wants a baby, so there isn’t any room for anything else. He swallows the lump in his throat as he finds the key to her bedroom and it crunches in the lock.

The door silently swings open. He keeps it lubricated as not to wake Mother when he comes in to clean.

“Mother?” His voice cracks and he clears his throat. “I’m sorry, but… I’m going to need your room. Rey wants to have a baby, so…” His lower lip quivers. “I’m sorry, but you have to go.”

Sunlight filters through the thick curtains and casts a glow across the cold room. Mother is lying in bed with a book on her lap, open right where it was when she and Ben had their argument a couple months ago. _Gone With The Wind._ Her favorite.

She doesn’t speak as he crosses to her bedside. She’s wearing the same nightgown, cleaned once a week, free of blood stains, but Ben can’t figure out how to control the pungent odor of rot. Potpourri only covers up so much as decay reduces Leia to sinew and bone.

He folds his arms, ignoring the tears. “I already told you I’m sorry about our fight. But you shouldn’t have laughed at my research—I found something. I really found something.”

A long, bony finger turns to the next page in her book.

“Well, you can’t visit anymore!” Ben snaps. “You’ll make the baby sick. I don’t care how much you complain— _no_ , you can’t stay in the nursery when you visit! You’ll make everyone sick!”

“Ben?”

He whips around and finds Rey standing in the doorway, dressed in one of his shirts that drapes past her thighs. Her eyes are wide, fingers touching the frame. She’s staring at Mother.

He rolls his lips and cries. “I told her she has to leave. She won’t go.”

Rey stares. Her hazel eyes flicker to his and back to Mother and she nods slowly.

“We… we can talk to her another day. Maybe she’s tired.”

“But we need the room for the baby.” He rounds on Mother again, seething. “And she always takes things that don’t fucking belong to her!”

 _Always she always fucking takes things that don’t fucking belong to her and she burned his research because it was stupid so he got a little_ mad _and decided to take an axe to her skull but he really should’ve fucking burned her alive like she did to his research and his body with her fire poker fingertips_

“Ben.”

He’s chewing his nails and startles when he feels Rey touching his elbow. She smiles, eyes widening as she looks over at Mother again.

“I’m sure she’ll change her mind. Let’s give her some space?”

Sometimes it’s easy to forget how young Rey is. She makes him feel young.

He searches her face, sniffling. “I’m sorry. I’ll make her leave by the end of the week.”

“Okay. Okay.” Rey’s voice is low and soft; comforting. She doesn’t yell. “I’m… I appreciate you… trying.”

“I am. I’m trying.”

“I know. It’s okay, Ben.” Rey swallows and seems to consider her words. “My mom used to have to ask for help when she threw her boyfriends out. I couldn’t really help her—I was really young—but maybe I can help you.”

“I don’t—I don’t want to hurt her,” Ben says, shaking his head, trembling.

Rey shakes her head, too, and touches his forearm. “I know. You don’t have to. I’m sure once she has a couple days to… think, she’ll understand. But I can back you up, okay? If you need moral support.”

That sounds good. He nods, and Rey smiles and reaches up to wipe his tears away. Her hands are soft now. She uses a lot of lotion. 

“I would never hurt her,” Ben insists. He follows Rey to the door, and wonders if her brains are pink, too.

“I know. You don’t even hurt the spiders outside. That’s why I love you.”

Right, right. Rey loves him. When the time comes to make Mother leave, she’ll help him be firm.

Ben closes the door and locks it. His chest hurts and his brains feel mushy so he follows Rey to the bedroom and crawls under the covers beside her. He wanted to move Mother out today but he’s emotional and exhausted, and decides he’s going to spend the rest of the day cuddled up with his girlfriend. Wife.

They’ll have a big wedding. Whatever she wants. Mother left him a lot of money.

Whatever she wants. Ben smiles as he snuggles under Rey’s chin and kisses her throat. Whatever she wants. She can have whatever she wants, as long as she doesn’t try to leave him.


End file.
